Last month, the United States Army announced that they will replace the more than five year old "An Army of one" marketing slogan with "Army Strong." Apparently the marketing contract went to a new company, and with it came a new slogan.

I was never a fan of "An Army of one," as it seems totally against everything that the Army stands for. Though I have thankfully never been through boot camp, it is my undertanding that any sense of individuality is essentially beaten out of you, making the Army not at all "an Army of one."

As we all know, people aren't exactly getting in line to join the Army these days. People know that if they do enlist that they will most likely end up in a deseert in the Middle East, so it's not exactly a poplar career choice right now. Because of this, the United States Army will spend $1.35 billion over the next five years on this new marketing campaign? Does is seem absolutely ludicrous to anyone else that soldiers are paid about the same as a Wal-Mart employee, but the Army has that kind of money to spend on advertising?

Even though the Army isn't paying me $1.35 billion over the next five years, I decided to come up with some slogans that might help recruitment numbers for free:

• "We'll try not to send you home in a body bag."
• "We won't ship you off to a Middle Eastern desert unless you want to go."
• "If you get out alive, we'll help you find a job."
• "An Army of people not stuck in some shithole in the middle of nowhere."
• "We'll help you make the transition back to normal civilian life."
• "We'll provide real world training in careers besides killing people."

I don't know if any of those will necessarily be welcomed with open arms by the Army, but feel free to use them if you want, guys. If you want to fire that other advertising company and send me the $1.35 billion that's cool, but I'll settle for a fraction of it.