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This is a tough one... You should go to both people separately. Tell the girl that you're my friend so I am not going to turn you in, but if I get another complaint like this I will be forced to say something because I can not get fired. She is not going to pay your bills. Go to the guy and tell him that you spoke to her and could he maybe try to let it go this one time because she has not gotten over him totally. Tell him that you also told her that if you get another complaint you would have no choice but to say something. See what happens.

and I understand what you're saying... but I don't think I should call the guy who made her complaint (her ex)... I don't know him.

Part of me wants to go to her tomorrow and tell her and then just let it go... but the other part of me feels its unfair to let her in on it first, just because she's my friend... there's a policy for this type of thing...and policy says I should tell her supervisor...and then step out of the way.

How do you separate work and friendship?

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Go to the supervisor, tell them the complaint, but say that you know for a fact that there is a personal history between the two of them and you wanted to make sure that you made that known in case the claim is exaggerated. And then you make it very clear that you are uncomfortable with the situation.

Straight up, the world being what it is, I would not tell them that she is your friend, because if they think she isn't doing a good job, it may reflect badly on you. Being known by the company we keep and all that... I'd just start looking for a way to distance yourself from the situation.

Finally, without telling her she's going to be fired, drop hints. The next time she complains about the company, ask her why she's staying and whether she is really happy there. Hint that it may be time to polish off her CV. Don't outright tell her that it's time to find a new job, but leave that impression.

I guess I don't see it as ratting out a friend. You didn't witness wrongdoing, you are simply doing your job and reporting complaints. As a friend, she needs to understand that friendship is not a pass to do whatever you want and have others cover for you.

Good luck.

She doesn't sound like a person that would stay friends with you if ratted on her. But then again she doesn't sound like she is your best friend. I am having trouble telling you definitively to rat on your friend because I don't exactly know the dynamics of the relationship. I would just say, weigh your options. Is there a good chance that this could come back on you if you don't say anything? If I put a gun to your head and told you you had to make a choice what choice would you make?

sorry you have to deal with this. i honestly woudl not know what to do if i were in your shoes. as an outsider looking in i can say that you should just go to "crystal" and tell her what happened, since i do think it is kind of weird that her ex is the one making the complaint. sounds a little like a revenge tactic. but then again, would you get in trouble for not making the report to the supervisor?

1) Why did "Jay" call you to file the complaint? Why didn't he call the supervisor directly?

2) Is fielding complaints something you do as part of your job normally? Or is this something that has come out of the blue?

I think "Jay" could be using you to get back at "Crystal". Of course I know only what you've told us, and that's not enough to give unqualified advice.

Especially, I don't know your supervisor's dynamic, so don't know how that supervisor would respond to the "I know there's a personal situation" story. The supervisor might be gunning for "Crystal" any which way (as I think you fear), so the supervisor won't care what "personal issues" there may be.

I would be tempted to call "Jay" back and tell him to report the complaint to "proper channels" (i.e. the supervisor). And then have a conversation with the supervisor on the general question of handling complaints about the performance of coworkers, like shouldn't all such complaints be directed to management in order to minimize conflicts of interest among the coworkers?

Assuming that you haven't already had that conversation and that you are supposed to be handling complaints. If you have, and you are, then I see no choice but to make the report to the supervisor. You have made a contract and must fulfill it. In so doing you are on the "right side" of ethics IMO, hard as that might sound, because you are reporting a fact in accordance with your contractural obligations. The wrong side would be making up a story and reporting it to your supervisor as fact. And if the facts are as represented, the true problem lies with "Crystal", not with you.

But if asking Jay to "file the complaint properly" is appropriate to your context, and if no complaint then surfaces, then you've smoked out a real rat.

Also, if you can (and for future reference), ask for details. Precise times and dates of phone conversations, and exact terms. Another way to smoke out a rat is to have him claim that "Crystal" was dissing him while at work, at a time when she was known to be out of the office.