Are There Words Small Children Should Never Say?
My husband and I have a disagreement on words that our son shouldn’t be allowed to say. We both agree that a two-and-a-half-year-old shouldn’t use obscenities or speak rudely to people, or use racial, ethnic, or sexual slurs. However, my husband thinks that outside of those things, pretty much all language is acceptable.
I believe that there are some words that shouldn’t come out of a toddler’s, preschooler’s, or kindergarten-aged child’s mouth. Some of the words we disagree on are as follows:
Crap
Fart
Butt
Shut up
I believe that my child will be reprimanded for using words like these when he enters his (church-based) preschool next year. Furthermore, I just don’t think these are words that kids his age should say.
Fortunately, at this point my son does not say these words. However, my husband uses these words in front of my son (not too often, but he doesn’t restrict them). So it is going to be hard to me to explain to the boy that he shouldn’t say them even though Daddy does.
What do you guys think? Who is right?
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I don't think this is "right" or "wrong" ...
... it's a matter of practicalities.
Like it or not, monkey see, monkey do. If you don't wish to see it in your child, don't do it in his presence.
On the other hand, the kid is going to hear these words eventually, and what is his response going to be when he does?
If your child is at the "age of reason", you might take him aside and ask "have you ever heard your father (grandfather, neighbor down the street) use the word (start reasonably innocuous) "butt"? "Do you know what it means?" "Do you know that some people don't like to hear that word?" A dialogue along these lines, taken before the usage habit is established, might start the child on the road to knowing what language is allowed when. "Butt" is OK with Daddy, but not with Mommy, and not at school. Your kid might even be far better off for this than if s/he had never been exposed to these words. You just made lemonade. :)
Very interesting take on this!
Thanks for the comment! At this point, my son is only two, so he's too young to be able to reason that out. I will remember that for later though!
Brenna
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Brenna Fender's Blog
But he might understand ...
"You may use that word with Daddy but not with me, and not with anybody else." Could be a stopgap until he gets to "reason". Even if you have to resort to "BECAUSE I SAID SO!!" :) Of course you know your child and I don't. You know best, go with what works.
Good point!
Perhaps that's what I'll do. Thanks!
Brenna
Blog at Writing UP!
Brenna Fender's Blog
i totally agree with you
on these words. my son is 21 months old and i always have to remind my hsuband not to say "fart" around him. i know he will learn this word eventually, but i just think it sounds vulgar, especially coming from the mouth of a child. innocence and purity are qualities a child should own for as long as possible. silly as it may sound, i am teaching my son to say "toot" when he passes gas.
Agreed!
Tonight when we were putting my son to bed he stopped for a minute, got a funny look on his face, and then said, "I passed gas." I laughed, which he considered reinforcement (he said it again to see if it got more laughs). Sooooo much nicer than "fart!"
Brenna
Blog at Writing UP!
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Good discussion point
I remember when my son (then aged about 3) came home from "kindy" and told me to F... off. I was mortified as it was not a word he would have heard from us his parents. He was told NEVER to use this word again, and certainly not in front of his mother EVER. i can say that he remembers this well, and to this day (and he's 36 now) has remembered this lesson. We also taught our children that adults did things that weren't aceeptable to children, and they were pretty good about it. They learned that the bad words were unacceptable and our list was longer than yours!
Oh, I wish my son was this easy
A few days ago, he was standing in the kitchen and he said, "Damn it!" Then I made a HUGE error. I asked, "Where did you hear that word?" I was trying to be very calm about it. "TV," he said, pointing to where my husband was watching Mission Impossible, which I had asked him three times to turn off because I thought it would be too violent and maybe scary for my son.
I said, "We don't say that word. We say, 'Darn it!'"
While this tatic worked a few months ago with "Oh my God," it failed miserably with "Damn it!" He repeated it over and over again. I finally told him that he would have to go to his room in time out if he said it again. He did and we did, several times. The time out thing had zero effect. Eventually he lost interest.
My son LOVES attention and shock value. He wants reactions. So tonight, during another tirade of "Damn its" I did nothing. Didn't look at him, didn't say anything. I completely ignored it. He said it a bunch of times in a row, staring at me. I did nothing. Eventually he wandered off to do something else.
So, I'm thinking that's the right tatic. If the word gets no attention from me, it has no value to him. Because for my son, any attention is good attention. When he's older we can talk more about how we don't say words like that. And we'll try to set a good example too. Hopefully this will work. It's hard to know.
Unfortunately, he debuted the word in public the other day in Walmart. Lovely. I almost had to leave the store, which would have been hugely inconvenient, but what are you gonna do? If it happens in public again I don't think I'm going to threaten or do anything, I'm just going to ignore him and leave as quickly as possible so that people don't think I approve of that behavior!
I should make this into a separate blog entry, eh?
Thanks for commenting!
Brenna
Blog at Writing UP!
Brenna Fender's Blog
Awesome Article!
I love this article because I am dealing with the EXACT same issues right now. My son is now 9 months old and hubby an dI have been going bcak and forth on "our actions". I am always getting on him about language. He rarely swears now but it is the words you descibed above that irritate me soooo much.
It is a funny subject to talk about but I think "gas" is polite terminology. I have a girlfriend who does the weirdest thing. She has these "alternative words" for everything. Like gas is "fluff", butt is "boo-boo", poop is "doo-doo", and so on. I think kids sound really dumb saying these words. And my girlfriend, being and adult sounds even worse. She will tell her daughter, "Mama's gonna spank your boo-boo if you don't stop". Or "Did you just fluff?". Does anybody else know people like this? It is really annoying.
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I hate made up words too.
I'm into correct but polite terminology. My son knows the word penis. He knows what body part that is. I just can't pull off saying some cutesy substitute word. I'd feel stupid!
Thanks for the comment!
Brenna
Blog at Writing UP!
Brenna Fender's Blog
Penis is...
Funny you should mention "Penis"...my girlfriend has her daughter call private parts "woo-woos"
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Ooooohhhh no.
That's bad. I wonder why we find the correct words too bad for little kids to say?
Brenna
Blog at Writing UP!
Brenna Fender's Blog