Why relationships cause the most stress

Relationships score most highly as causes of stress levels, with work issues trailing behind. After all, if someone is reasonably happy in their personal life, they can weather the storms at work much better than if they are also unhappy at home. Often unhappiness in work, or absenteeism from it, is not dictated by the work environment at all. Personal unhappiness is likely to have its root cause in the home relationship; in problems which people do not find easy to discuss with others, which they tend to keep secret for fear of losing face, or generating gossip, and which make coping with work issues far more difficult and problematic.

For example, I learnt that nine months after I left home, my ex-husband was still pretending that I was at home to some people. Yet he may have been churning inside with anxiety about his situation, which would have affected his work in some way. Unless he discussed his feelings and fears, who would have known the level of his worry or been able to offer any comfort?No one at all. Yet colleagues would have probably attributed any side-effects from his crisis to stress at work! Loneliness is another case in point. People tend to vote with their feet to deal with it, or become workaholics instead.

The Samaritans in the UK stated that "One in five Britons suffers stress every day", as revealed by its own survey. The poll of 1,885 people suggests that concern over jobs and money two of the key ingredients for a successful relationship are major causes of stress. Many of those affected said that their situation leaves them feeling depressed, isolated and with nowhere to turn, which then generates conflict within the home. Yet, if feelings are bottled up or ignored, they can lead to more severe emotional distress, and real health problems. Dr Raj Persaud, author of Staying Sane, says the findings are not surprising. "The social support structures that used to help people to cope by getting things off their chest, such as extended family and neighbours, no longer exist in the same way that they did."

No wonder we often feel overwhelmed.

Lonelier Lives
One can always change a job, but it is exceedingly difficult to change a partner and a home situation for the benefit of everyone affected, especially where children are involved. There will always be losers, even in the most amicable break-ups. Thus we tend to dread this final step, or to shy away from it altogether, regardless of the deleterious and increasingly corrosive effect of bad relationships on our lives. It is a sure sign of low confidence why we would stay in a debilitating or controlling situation which damages our well-being and prospects and denies a partner the opportunity to find happiness too. It is also a lack of respect which makes us seek revenge on our partners because they fancy someone else or to make them responsible for our lives. If a relationship has lost its attraction, it is very difficult to get it back, especially if one person does not wish to make the effort. The best action in such a case is to move on, no matter how painful the hurt.

In an increasingly individualistic society, people are left to cope with life largely on their own, yet with inadequate experience of dealing with social or interactive issues. We are living lonelier lives now, convinced in ourselves, especially after a break-up, that no one will want us again and fearing any kind of long term commitment in case we are disappointed or hurt once more. But a negative self-perception tend to affect others negatively too in a circular effect which gradually makes things worse.