For many years, I have become a free psychologist and go-to person for advice, a shoulder to cry on, and, on occasion, someone completely willing to kick people into line when they need it. I'm not a psychic, I try not to go on hunches, but it's pretty obvious to me when someone begins following down the sad and frequently hurtful path of Patterns.

I didn't ask to be good at this, but perhaps I'm not as much 'good' as I am inherently 'honest.' Of course, very seldom do people realize that my advice is best used when followed until after they've come to me, told me their problem, listened to my suggestions and then promptly done otherwise. On the upside, that sort of thing does nothing but make me feel better about my abilities to see things that my love-fogged friends are blind to, not to mention the fact that the words "I should really learn to listen to you," said in a very shaky voice, has practically been turned into my personal mission statement.

I don't like to toot my own horn, but like most girls who have spent a significant part of their lives single in the midst of friends who spent a significant part of their lives not single, I can see what others can't. So here is some simple advice to use on yourself when your normal confidante is out of town, or, god-forbid, sick of your whining.

Number one: Are you frequently "hurt by others"? Are you a "rejection-magnet"? Are you getting fewer dates than even the most socially inept AV nerd -- you know, the one with all the acne and the chronic post nasal drip? Have you ever wondered why? No, the answer isn't because you aren't attractive enough, or you don't have the right body type, or because you aren't athletic enough or smart enough. Chances are, if you tend to use those excuses (and I did, for years), the problem isn't physical.

The problem, plain and simple, is that you have very little self confidence. Don't get dates out of pity. Make a list of the things you're good at, any awards or the like that you've gotten. Think of hobbies and interests you have. Focus on those. And whatever you do, don't be self-deprecating unless you are hilarious and the person you're trying to go out with knows you well. Because it's one of the least sexy things you can do. Seriously.

Number two: Have you been called too needy or too attached by people when they break up with you? Do you do everything in your power to make your dating prospects or potential new lovers as happy as possible, even if it is nothing but inconvenient to you? Could your email account be ? Yes?

Then stop that. No, it's not easy to stop being a pushover, but it's much easier to do than putting your heart back together with superglue every time someone shatters it when they can't stand to be around you and your simpering. If you want a good relationship, take yourself in hand and stop falling all over yourself to be the perfect boyfriend or girlfriend, or eventually the perfect wife or husband. No one is perfect, and anyone who expects you to be has expectations even they themselves cannot live up to, so why waste your time?

Number three: Do you ever realize the reason girls seem to prefer assholes? It's not really the fact that these guys are especially mean and uncaring. That's just the first thing everyone else notices. But when you are a complete asshole, it's often because you a.) don't care and b.) you have confidence in yourself -- though generally too much because it turns you into a pretentious bastard. So again. Go back to number two. Don't be a pushover. Be kind, caring, and romantic, and honestly? Leave the bimbos to the assholes.

Number four: If you manage to get dates but none of them turn into relationships, or the relationships you do start keep ending within a few weeks, look at the people you keep finding yourself attracted to. Take the time to write down quick notes about the different people, even down to physical appearance. Then write down problems in the relationship -- and take responsibility for things you did to further push the relationship down the tubes.

After all of that, notice similarities. Talk to people who are close to you who have seen you go through these relationships to point out things you may have missed, or things you aren't seeing clearly. Keep patterns in mind and try to find ways to avoid getting trapped in them again in the future.

Number five: Pay more attention to what your friends and relatives say about your partners. You don't necessarily have to listen to them, but it's a good thing to keep in mind sometimes because sometimes they notice things from their vantage point on the outside that you can't see because you're in the middle of it.

Number six: Decide what you want in a partner. List the attributes you'd prefer, the attributes you require, and ones that might be nice, but wouldn't really influence you one way or another. If the column of requirements is considerably longer than the others, you might want to look at the fact that you are entirely too picky. You might want to hold out for someone like Keira Knightley or Jude Law, but don't hold your breath. Even the pretty celebrities has personality quirks that make them weird to be with in the long term.

Number seven: Try to have at least one friend who won't lie to you in order to avoid conflict. Keep a friend whom you trust, someone who can give you advice that you will actually keep in mind, someone who will still be willing to listen to you after you totally disregard their suggestions.

And above all, number eight: Be yourself, not what everyone wants you to be. It'll take some time, but when you eventually become more in tune with who you are and what you want out of life, people will find it easier to get to know you because there will be a more solid "You" to know.

There's so much more, but it's a start. And it's a good set of things to think about. Good luck. And if you're in a good relationship already, congratulations.