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VANCOUVER- One thing I never thought of when I decided I wanted to be a rock star was how quickly the lifestyle can take its toll on your health. I'm not talking about cocaine and rye filled nights, or the dangers of sleeping with groupies of dubious cleanliness. No doubt these dangers do exist, and although I wouldn't be admitting to taking part in such activities even if I had done so at any given time (I can neither confirm nor deny any such charges), I will admit to a somewhat less lecherous rock and roll lifestyle which is affecting my health in a noticeable way.

Some of you may be aware that on this past tour, the average age of Slammin Jack was approximately thirty years old. I was told all my life that my "fast metabolism" wouldn't last forever, and that one day I would start to notice the effects of eating however much I wanted, whenever I wanted. Now, I may have been able to squeeze a few more years out of that state of affairs, were it not for the long haul tours across this wide, wide country we call Canada. The major health effectors on these tours (at least for an independent, self financed band) are not drugs and STD's, they are beer, bar food, and eight hour van rides!

At the beginning of this tour, our bassist Jim stated his goal: to break two hundred pounds for the first time. Now, being 6' 5", two hundred isn't that fat; in fact, he is usually pretty much a rail of a man. About halfway through, we realized he was going to pull it off with no problems at all. Between homemade perogies and banana cream pie in Thunder Bay, thick cuts of wild meat in Belleville, numerous East Coast lobsters, mountainous plates of spaghetti and St. Andrew's cheese in Cornwall, burgers, fries, pizza and tacos in the bars, and beer all day every day, it was inevitable that we were going to put on some weight. Add smoking and sitting still for hours on end to the equation, and you can imagine the damage that can be done in only five or six weeks.

And it all comes down to this: I just came back from a twenty minute run. The last time I ran for exercise sake was when I played Rugby for Port Perry High. Back then I could run for ninety minutes with only momentary rests to catch my breath. Now, after about ten minutes I'm coughing and wheezing and spitting thick phlegm on the sidewalk. Oh, the horror in that young mother's eyes as I struggled round the corner and almost hawked a loogie on the child she was pushing in her stroller!

So, it may be a little past new years, but I've already gone for a run every day this week (starting yesterday), and I intend to right the wrongs I've done to my formerly healthy body. I know the repair will take much longer than the damage, but at least this past tour was only six weeks or so, and not six months. Maybe I'll be able to fit into those awesome bell-bottom cords by the next tour!