Lifetime has replaced The Golden Girls with Reba at 5:00 in the afternoon... and now I may be forced to watch stuff like "the news" in that timeslot. And let's be honest, The Golden Girls deals with real issues in entertaining ways, making serious points based on facts through entertainment -- what news show or organization can say that?

So sorry, but I get my news on the Internet from reputable news sources, and I live so far out that no "local" news programs I receive even cover my area. Heck, even the local newspaper only has two sections and most of the headlines revolve around the school sports teams and local little league chapters.

And it's not that I don't like Reba; as sit-coms go, it's okay. Sterile, completely non-offensive, totally white-washed, family-values-oriented entertainment manufactured specifically to appeal to the largest audience it possibly can... and that's okay, for that kind of entertainment. It just so happens that I don't particularly care for such. Maybe if I were a "WAHM" or something, it would be my thing, but it isn't. Still, it's a great fit for Lifetime's line-up.

But The Golden Girls is just flat-out funny. It amazes me at just how funny it is, really. No, I think what amazes me is how few shows today are even half as funny as it is and it's 20 years old! Unlike 90% of the schlock on TV today -- which relies on one, running joke; shock value; crude, stupid silliness; or is reality-based -- The Golden Girls works on every level. Even compared to most other classic television, it excels; I'd put it right up there with Cheers -- and that's saying a lot, coming from me!

From the top-notch writing to Bea Arthur's dead-pan camera mugging to Sophia's lightning-quick quips to Betty White's blankness to Blanch's over-the-top sexual escapades, The Golden Girls has something for literally everyone, and that's why it appeals to such a large spectrum of viewers -- not because it's so politically-correct that it's blander than plain yogurt. The writing, the acting, the characters, the direction -- it's got it all. It is outspoken and intelligent and doesn't back away from controversial issues, characters, language, or storylines.

And one has to wonder why this is not a formula today's TV shows try to emulate? Fads and trends have always been around, and always will be, and it's understood and expected that some will try to cash-in on them, but has respect in and for true talent just gone out the window? I used to think that the big problem was that the older performers and comedians remembered Vaudeville and had at least some stage experience (which is far rarer in most filmed mediums nowadays than most people realize), but while this is certainly part of it, it isn't all of it.

The world has changed, of course -- and not for the better -- and that's another part of it. Let's face it: sex sells and showbiz execs know this. In our completely shallow, self-involved, celebrisociety, people are far more apt to watch a show full of pretty people than a good one, and people who are both good-looking and talented are exceedingly rare because... well, let's face it: they don't have to be. But sex has always sold, so that's only part of it.

Add to this the fact that most celebrities nowadays are really less about their chosen craft than using their celebrity for their (or the most popular) cause du jour. I really do believe a lot of people are trying to become celebrities just to further their agendas, whether that agenda be political, socio-civil, religious, or otherwise. But that isn't all of it, either.

The television industry, in particular -- and the sit-com leg of it, specifically -- is widely-known for it's "30 Rule." The 30 Rule states that writers over 30 are to be ignored, unless they are partnered with another writer who is under 30. Blame Friends -- and the fact that most TV execs are fresh-faced college kids from wealthy families with more ideals than real-world experience (but isn't it funny how none of these ideals seem to stand in the way of their careers?). And most people under 30 aren't familiar with Vaudeville, have no experience in much of anything, and are the first to get swept into the latest fads and trends.

These liberally-minded execs and young writers are way too busy being politically-correct -- not because they really give a damn about anyone else -- specifically so that their shows will appeal to as broad an audience as possible. Which results in most of their shows appealing to absolutely no one -- there's no substance to them, nothing to relate to! And when one show does take a chance and strikes gold, instead of anyone thinking, "Hey! They did that by taking a chance -- by doing something different and using talented people to make it happen," they think, "There's a fat comedian married to a skinny wife -- get me a team of 12 kids under 30 to write one just like it!" So we, as always, get the short end of the TV stick.

So all TV execs are idiots. Well, that's neither news nor a new development, so that can't be all of it.

And then it struck me like lightning and I had to shake my head because it's the same, exact reason for everything else that's wrong with our modern society: it's our values.

No one in Hollow-wood cares if they make quality entertainment, so long as they make money. And we're told to just accept it. How can we "blame" them for wanting to get paid? Who are we to "judge" them for being talentless, money-hungry boobs? And if we can do so much better, then why don't we?

But don't buy any of that; that's all corporate bullshit they, and the talentless hacks who cowtow to them, tell the rest of us just to shut us up. The long and short of it is that the industry wants us to believe the only successful shows are either completely steeped in controversy or completely devoid of it. Which, of course, is a PC way of saying, "The industry caters to the lowest common denominator of any extreme and culture."

It's simply more of the polarization of our society: this show is a "young, hip" one and that one is for older viewers; this one is Conservative, and that one is for Liberals; this one is a black show and that one is for whites. And the reason they do this is to keep us all at odds with one another so they can get on with the business -- not of entertainment -- of making money.

I say, "This show is awful and misrepresentative and it caters to the LCD of that part of society," and they counter with, "He's saying that because he's not part of your demographic, so he doesn't understand you." Then, you and I are arguing while the suit sneaks out the back and sells tickets to the fight.

And while Reba is a perfect match for Lifetime, the truth is that it's a "safe" show which challenges no one's sensibilities and can't possibly hurt anyone's feelings. The most controversial issues it tackles haven't been that controversial since the 1950s (divorce, teen pregnancy, small-town life) and I have nothing to relate to and nothing to watch for that hour of my weekdays.

Because I ain't watching the fake-ass news.