What are you supposed to do?

Submitted by yummybrumby on January 7, 2006 - 10:42pm.

I met this guy about 2 years ago, and we started dating almost the same day we met.

David was everything I was looking for in a Man. He wasn't that smart, and a bit immature, but he treated me well. And he had this way of looking at me like I was everything I ever hoped or wanted to be. When I was with him, I just knew...thats where I wanted...was supposed to be. So I married him.

Well, a few months ago I was going through some of his old papers from school...organizing and filing. I found this letter that I thought was a teachers evaluation to a parent, and I got to reading..."It is this therapists opinion that this patient is in fact mentally retarded with an overall IQ of 61. He seems to be functioning a the level of a 9-10 year old."

My jaw dropped. I sat there staring at that paper...not moving, not reading, just staring. It was like the whole world outside disappeared and I had gone deaf.

When I finally snapped out of whatever that was, I didn't know what to do...so I called my mom.

"Holy-Shit! That explains a lot about his behavior though. You gotta divorce him honey!"

Oh, god...what ever that was, it had come back in the form of that D word. I didn't want to listen, and convinced myself that she was just jealous of our relationship and stated as much to her.

I didn't understand how I didn't see it or at least suspect it. This kind of thing doesn't happen to 'real' people. This is the made-up crap they put on Jerry Springer, but it doesn't really happen to 'real' people! Why me?

What in the hell are you supposed to do?!

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re: what are you supposed to do?

Submitted by o ceallaigh on January 7, 2006 - 10:57pm.

May I suggest that you weigh your two years worth of experience with David against the one piece of paper from many years ago, representing one opinion (possibly out of many different ones) and ask which one is heavier. If I were David, that's what I'd be hoping for. I think.

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Andrea's Advice.

Submitted by adamsweb on January 7, 2006 - 11:32pm.

Keep right on loving him. For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness, and in health, til death do you part. That's what you do. Would you have divorced him if he was of normal intelligence and had got in a car accident that left him with the mental capactity of a nine-year-old? Would anyone be suggesting it then? So, hold your head high and let your mom know one piece of paper doesn't change a thing.

But have a talk with the young man about why we don't hide things like this. It'll mean needing to take more responsibility in the relationship, like with any disability, but we don't like "wives, submit to your husband' anyway. Do still treat him with respect and dignity. Whatever his intelligence, he's not your 9 year old son, so don't treat him like he is.

The Screwtape Reports

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re: What are you supposed to do?

Submitted by Yogapanky on January 8, 2006 - 12:30am.

Wow... nothing like a good old kick in the stomach to get your day going. I know this feeling of discovering something you wish you had never found. But you did. In my humble opinion, I think you should talk to him about it. Let him explain it before you even consider the big "D". Also, in your own experience with David, have you ever seen any evidence that he is disabled in any way? When you describe your relationship, it sounds perfect. Maybe it really is...

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Talk with him

Submitted by shellye79 on January 8, 2006 - 4:34pm.

I would talk to him, but wouldn't get a divorce over it. If you love each other, there is no reason to get a divorce.

Michelle

My Website

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