TMP Gay Movie Audition? WHAT???

-Today, at 4:45PM Central Time, THE TOTAL MAN PACKAGE (That's me you idiots) will be Auditioning for the supporting role of a Police Officer in an Independent Gay Film called "THEFT OF THE DRAG QUEENS WIG" The Director Paul Bright's previous comedy film "Angora Ranch" was called "Really Funny" by the New York times.

-NO, I won't be doing any nude or gay scenes. I'm confident there's probably another TOTAL MAN PACKAGE GAY PORN STAR that has that niche market. I'm just a straight Actor (Metro-sexual at most) auditioning for the role of a Cop that happens to be in a Gay movie. Besides, I'm such a complete, out of control, Macho Stud that it's just going to be near impossible for anyone to believe I'm gay at all even though this movie is tailored for the Gay Male audience.

-Now, if this movie is a big hit, and I start getting all sorts of Gay supporting movie awards, I will play it up to my advantage. I better not get outed as a being Straight Guy either until I've made some serious "Broke Back Mountain"

Money. So, you JABRONIES better keep your mouths shut and not screw up my chances of Gay Stardom.

-I'll even get Isaiah Washington from Grey's Anatomy to hurl gay comments at me like he's done to a current cast member on his show just to help me keep up the facade. I'll keep the scam going as long as I can and as long as the checks keep cashing. If I'm really lucky, I might even get my own show like ELLEN or ROSIE did.

-Okay, reality check. My luck I will get the part. The movie will really be a major hit and I'll be trying to explain that I'm not Gay for the rest of my life.

Possible future reviews: "The gay cop guy was astonishing as a straight cop. He really made believe he's straight. What a GREAT GAY ACTOR!"
-NEW YORK TIMES

"I really enjoyed the Movie, but I thought the Gay Cop wasn't really convincing as being straight. Unfortunately, he still seemed really gay to me."
-THE BOSTON GLOBE

-You see whether my performance is good or bad the reviews will just condemn me. DAMN IT! I just can't win! I guess my only options are to cancel the Audition or change Demographics (go Gay).

-Tune in PACKAGE-AHOLICS next time for the results.

THE TOTAL MAN PACKAGE!!! WOOOOOOO!!!!!