Ok, so today I called up the Funeral Director's Association and asked them what steps I need to take in order to become a funeral director.

The director, on the other end of the line, chuckled, which I take to be a bad sign. But he did give me a handy list of steps -- beginning with handing over my aspiring funeral director resume.

As far as that resume goes, the sad truth is, I have been unemployed for a month, during which time I have fretted and tweaked that resume until it has the thin, pinched look of an aging beauty queen, over-made up with unusual bullet-gifs from the backwoods of Microsoft Word.

I fret, sweat and worry about how that first impression will go, for I have dreamed about becoming a funeral director for over a year now. Ok, let's face it, I've at least toyed with the idea since 2004.

The initial impression I get from most people, when I tell them, is "What? Why?"

Why indeed? Why would someone with a B.A., magazine and ezine publications, and a recent inviation to get involved (not sure how closely involved) with a fantasy children's series, and all the world to conquer hone in on what is considered to be the dirtiest work imaginable? And be considered a vulture to boot?

An excerpt from my cover letter may explain:
"I am seeking a career that will put compassion into action, give me opportunity to assist with the practical needs of individuals and families in distress, a career which will forever demand the best of me, always reminding me that the needs of clients as greater than my own."

Gaa! It's a terrible cover letter and I know it! Verbose, self-agrandizing, histrionic. Blegh.

And I have reason to be worried.

The last time I submitted to the Association-- I got turned down.