It's official: this is the Seventh Sign. Thetans unite!

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have set a date for their impending nuptials, according to new reports. The wedding is set for November 18th, but where the ceremony will be held has not been reported, and most likely will not be, in order to avoid paparazzi and other, less scrupulous press (mainstream reporters).

The announcement comes a month after pictures of their intergalactic offspring, Suri, graced the cover of Vanity Fair magazine. Rumors have swirled as to the baby's actual father, as Cruise has been reported to be gay -- not bisexual, not a "swinger" -- full-on homosexual. Cruise has fought such allegations viciously and with vigor, going so far as to completely destroy one gay porn "star"'s career after he alleged the mega movie star had paid him for a few rounds of nekkid boxing many years ago.

Links to articles regarding this have been withheld to secure sponsors, and you are going to be hard-pressed to find any version of the story except Cruise's. Amazing what money can do, isn't it. I can tell you that the "star" in question was in fact married and involved in a committed homosexual relationship, and that he has spoken about the whole thing in a press release printed on his site, in which he says he was betrayed by two people he held close to him: one for money and one for revenge. IIRC, the suit resulted in an $11 million judgement against the guy. He left his adult career and has not been heard from since.

Cruise has also been the center of a scandal involving the brilliant and often controversial animated show, South Park, which mocked both he and his religion, Scientology, in an episode entitled, In the Closet. Shown once, Comedy Central pulled all reruns until creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone countered with a savvy media blitz of their own. The episode has since aired several times and even features in promo spots for the cartoon's new season.

FREE KATIE!