So, I see by a commercial now showing that there's a reality show called "Spying On Myself." This comes on the heels of watching "The Grizzly Man" with my girlfriend last night (I could probably yip, yam, and yammer for paragraphs on that flick alone). And it's all gotten me - against my better judgment - to spend time pondering the whole reality entertainment concept.

For whatever reason - disinterest, lack of timing – I’ve seen little of the reality programming that's become so prevalent over the past five years. I watched about ten minutes of "Survivor" when it first hit and no more because I was too distracted by the concept and how I might respond. I have no interest in fifteen minutes of fame, so I'd loathe participating, but I also don't think I'd want to be stuck on an island with twelve people. My frequent sojourns into introversion and seclusion would make it a difficult proposition. I need elbow room, both literally and metaphysical.

Of course, a beach and some time off work is a good hook for me.

I do on occasion catch a bit of "American Idol" and will get drawn in because of my interest in music. I know most serious music fans consider the show a travesty that only encourages the "dumbing down" of music, but I'm not that much of an elitist, although I do understand their point (to a degree). There are a lot of other factors that have been far more responsible for whatever issues exist in the music world (in my opinion) and pre-fabricated pop stars have always been a part of pop culture.

Perhaps I'm the wrong age demographic for these shows. Or, maybe there just hasn't been a concept that has scratched me where I itch. I've considered a few ideas for reality shows that might make me go, "huh. What's all this then?"

Neurosurgery With The Stars
Who knew B(C?)-list actors, former athletes, and people whom you don't exactly remember why you kind of remember them could skate, dance, shoot skeet, or bake pies? Much like Lloyd Braun in "Seinfeld," the near-famous are industrious and can accomplish anything they set their minds to. So why not complex feats highlighting their new-found surgical skills? Why couldn't Pam Dawber of "Mork & Mindy" fame perform a corpus callosotomy? Is it so crazy to think that people might tune in to see if George "The Iceman" Gervin" was as cool stopping subderal hematoma as executing a finger roll.

Cooking With Two Bears In The Kitchen
Somewhat inspired by the aforementioned viewing of "Grizzly Man" - let's add a twist to all of the cooking shows. Picture Paula Deen wrestling two burly bears over a bowl of pecans intended for a pie. What about Alton Brown explaining the mysteries of hibernation as only he can. And would a couple of bears in Kitchen Stadium take the pressure off Mario Batali and Bobby Flay to make a sorbet out of bacon?

Land The Damned Plane!
This one would air live, in real time, and still has a few kinks to be ironed out, but the premise might appeal to anyone that's been stuck on a flight with obnoxious seatmates. Viewers would get to know the fliers on a transatlantic flight. Halfway through the flight, the pilots would parachute out, leaving viewers to vote on which of the passengers would "land the damned plane." It would harken back to those "Airport" movies of the early '70s where a stewardess would have to bring down a crippled plane with coaching over the radio from Charlton Heston, but all set to a snappy soundtrack.

You very well are thinking, "No way would people sign up to be on a flight that might go down." I thought of that problem, too, and decided that it wasn't an issue. See, I haven't seen much reality television, but I have seen enough to know that most of the participants NEED that moment in the sun, no matter how embarrassing or life-threatening. In fact, there just might be enough willing contestants to fill two planes (possibly one with snakes).