There is no way I could have ever imagine what really worrying was all about prior to becoming a mother.

Not that I have ever had a worry-free, pristine life. Far from it. I have had to bust my bum to get what I have, and have had a lot of obstacles, both personal and social to overcome along the way. But becoming a mother has really shwon me what worrying really is all about.

Before having my son I thought that the things I was worried about were oftentimes insurmountable.....will I ever meet the right guy? Is (fill in the blank) cheating on me? How am I going to pay these student loans? When will my mother stop being so co-dependant? What if I never get another job? Why hasn't my working visa for Japan gotten here yet? Why am I getting so many zits the day beforer a big shoot? Why can't I be taller (I'd work a lot more if I were.)? Where am I going to live now? Am I getting sick? Will I ever be in love again? What if all my luggage gets lost? Are my parents ever going to get divorced? And on and on....

But that was all nothing. Paled incomparison to the questions and worries I have as a mother. This morning my son woke up with either a headache or a brutal 2 year molar teething session. He is normally uber-active but this morning would only lay on our bed and watch Elmo's World. Every time he sat up or turned his head he'd say "ouchy" and lay back down. He's taking a nap now, which he never does this early in the day. And I am worried. I fear the worst. Yes, it may just be teething or a headache, but my mother's mind takes it miles furthur.....is there something acutely wrong? What could it really be? We are getting new floors installed......did he breathe in some weird fume or dust and is having a negative reaction to it?

From the day he was born I have not stopped worrying. When we brought him home from the hospital I couldn't sleep worried that he would stop breathing. And I still check on him before I go to bed just to make sure he is okay....he's almost two. I worry about how much food he eats or doesn't eat, and the quality of it. I worry about the school system, the state of the world, crime rates, drugs, diseases, other people's driving skills (or lack thereof). I worry about all of the conditions our media force feeds us like ADD, ADHD, autism spectrum disorders. I worry about if he watches too much TV, isn't getting enough stimulation from oher kids or me. I worry about the little mole on his head and the little hernia the doc says is no big deal (I am still getting a 2nd opinion on those).

I worry about the fact that he still sticks random things in his mouth. I worry that he doesn't talk as much as other kids his age even though I know he isl earning two languages at once and that is bound to make a difference, but I still worry. I worry that someone will break int he house and take him.....remember that awful news story of the little girl that got kidnapped from her very own bedroom? I would like to think that I am not a complete nutjob. I used to not be this paranoid......but having my son has made everything a potential threat. I don't stop us from enjoying life, going out, splurging on the occasional chicken fingers and fries at the local hole in the wall, or watching more than two DVD's a day somedays. But I just can't throw caution to the wind anymore. And I just can't shake the alarmist thoughts that keep creeping into my head.

My son is still napping. His uncharacteristic behaviour today has my stomach knotted up. Pediatrician says just to give himTylenol and watch him. Done. That still doesn't satiate me. I'm worried. I can't help it. I'm a mother.