The Wall and IT

So this week i've had a...feeling hit me in the face. And all this week i've been reading about it and turning it over and over in my head.

while under the influence of a drug and some alcohol,I started thinking to myself about something that I cannot still explain. All i know is that its big. You maybe thinking to yourself okay this guy was high and really he's just a pothead talking nonsense. Well thats where you'd be wrong. There are philisophical books about this already things I have just begun to think of people have already experienced. One booking being The Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are by Alan Watts. So basically last night i was coming up with really i guess mindblowing things and just talking to myself, and then people around me, even a few not under the influence of anything began to take notice and know that i was onto something, and this is what urged me to write this on here. So you can read it, and continue with it. Reflect on it and push it even farther. Some of its personal and you, yourself cannot reflect upon it because its situations I am in or desires that I want. Unfortunatly i could not get all my thoughts down onto paper, while writing I ran out of paper to use, so the rest of what i thought up and created is lost in its own instant in time. But this will not be the end of thinking about this, in fact its really just the very beginning because i feel there is, this is everything. it is "IT".

"Everything I think or say is important. Life is only how you want to live its not how otheres view it. If I feel it needs to be done or said I should say it get it out to peopel so they can think for the need to find "IT" But nobdy should or can become "IT". If everybody became "IT" then "IT" becomes nothing because it's everybody and no longer "ITself". "IT" is everything the reason, workings, explanation, being, exsisting, and thinking world and more. "IT" is "IT" and "IT" has to exsist otherewise there is no point to this. "IT" cannot be explained with words it is a state of being that has no discriptors.

My thoughts are too many and confusing to write. Other ethan I am able to think of all possibilities and accept them for what they are.

I really wish i could find a girl to love. I want something I cannot explain. Maybe something perfect. Or you realize they are not perfect but you're okay because they're who they are. I wish i had the guts to ask out Ashley. I really like her. I feel bad about laura and what I did. Sometimes I wish I could take it back.

I'm afraid these thoughts right now are complete bullshit and have no value to anybody but because I'm high they are important and make absoulute sense.

I want someone to like me. I wish I could just say whatever I want without worrying about what otheres say or think. I want someone who thinks I'm great. Like I'm some sort of great creator or important person. I wish i were comfortable with talking about anything with someone.

Right now I feel like there was no one. I want to talk to Andrew, Colin, or Ian. They understand how i feel like they are closer to "IT" than I am. Maybe not the way Andrew lives but he has the ability to know "IT" and help explain it to me.

"IT" is not money power or knowledge.

"IT" is it. "IT" is there waiting to be found. I wish I could break through the wall to get to "IT" but sometimes I guess life is not the destination but rather how you get there, if at all.

Why would something keep us from "IT"

right now it's really frustrating.

Money and girls thats all that seems to be on my mind lately. But sometimes it just feels its something important that i need to devote all my time to and worry about it.

I don't know what I'm doing.

Why do I only think about this and this way when I am high? It makes me feel like its dumb because people think you cannot operate or think properly when you're high.

Then why do i feel as bad as i do right now and as stuck?

Is weed powerful enough to make me feel like its safe and useful as a tool to reflect and thikn and come to conclusions of what feels like important things?

Right now the most dominating things in my life are...
Ashley

Money/work

Cars

and School

I feel like I need to make some decision about everything soon and just stick with it and just roll with the punches but I just want it to be right and I want to be happy.

I cannot be the one to teach, someone needs to be there for me to learn."

and thats the end. take from it what you can...

later i talked with a friend and heres the convo.

maninwhitepaper (12:57:07 AM): Shit, still there?

OccurringThought (12:57:11 AM): yeah

maninwhitepaper (12:57:25 AM): What did you say right after you gave me that link?

OccurringThought (12:57:36 AM): the two replys

OccurringThought (12:57:49 AM): do you need them reposted?

maninwhitepaper (12:58:01 AM): Yeah, I didn't see them.

OccurringThought (12:58:25 AM): You make it sound like you have to be high to get "IT". Which is why most people can't or don't want to relate to "IT". You also didn't seem to explain what "IT" is, and "IT" only is really understood other people that are high. Which right away makes me wonder if this idea exsist or if it is mearly something to make people think about when they are high. I think "IT" has no real idea behind it, I think "IT" is something to think about for the hell of it. Maybe "IT" needs to be looked at more closely.

I know this comment seems kinda rude it is not at all meant to be that way. "IT" does not make sense to me.My reply:all being high does is slow down your thought process so that you can concentrate easier on subjects. you take on a meditative and introspective state of mind. so being high may help, but i've thought of this a lot since then.
i'll use god as an example.
pretend for one moment that god is completely symbolic. Jesus Christ left his faimly and home when he was 13 and came back when he was 29, proclaiming to be the son of God. He had accepted that that was who he was. Well what if Jesus just gave "IT" the name God. And that we are all sons and daughters of God, well as I'm seeing "IT" we are all apart of it. Then Jesus finally getting "IT" or God was able to convince the apostles, but they themselves could not become as great as Jesus but were still more aware of it than other people so they help Jesus to spread the word of God or "IT"
now what i may be thinking of may not be God and im not saying im trying to become something like Jesus Christ but i just have this feeling that it is up there on that level of importance.

maninwhitepaper (1:00:37 AM): Those were the two replies?

OccurringThought (1:00:54 AM): the first one was somones and then the second one was mine

maninwhitepaper (1:02:24 AM): Did Jesus really do that?

maninwhitepaper (1:02:35 AM): And where did you find that information?

OccurringThought (1:02:40 AM): yeah, he just left, and he studied with some buddists

OccurringThought (1:03:12 AM): just type in jesus' missing years in google, and its in the bible some where but i dont feel like finding the exact chapter and pg, maybe ill find it online

OccurringThought (1:03:44 AM): ohh k

OccurringThought (1:03:51 AM): its not mention in the bible

maninwhitepaper (1:04:10 AM): Well, I would suspect not.

OccurringThought (1:04:10 AM): but he goes from 13 to 29 suddenly so we dont know what happen

OccurringThought (1:05:20 AM): http://english.sdaglobal.org/question/misyear.htm

OccurringThought (1:05:25 AM): theres what happens in the bible

maninwhitepaper (1:05:47 AM): I have some more questions.

maninwhitepaper (1:06:13 AM): You wrote down some things that "it" was not, but never explain anything else.

maninwhitepaper (1:06:42 AM): Are you referring to a tangible thing, Aaron, or is this a ... state of mind, for the lack of a better term?

OccurringThought (1:07:46 AM): probably a state of mind what i meant by it not being those things is that those are not it and cannot help you get to it. i dont think you can ever know all of "IT" but you can be aware and understand what it is

OccurringThought (1:09:00 AM): i think i said something like when you get "IT" you become above everything, but your still apart of everything

OccurringThought (1:09:55 AM): tasks are no longer tasks, like taking out garbage or driving to work, the world how you see it people and how you percieve(sp?) things changes drastically

maninwhitepaper (1:10:28 AM): So, are you telling me that you now see things differently and will no longer be able to view them as you did before?

maninwhitepaper (1:10:35 AM): Before you discovered and understood "it"?

OccurringThought (1:10:38 AM): no, im just beginning man

OccurringThought (1:10:44 AM): i have not a clue how to get to "it"

OccurringThought (1:11:00 AM): i've just only realized that "it" is there

OccurringThought (1:11:37 AM): now i need to see it or feel it and understand it...

OccurringThought (1:11:54 AM): ugh, i need to see you in person its soo much easier than typing

maninwhitepaper (1:12:01 AM): I don't think so.

maninwhitepaper (1:12:24 AM): Am I right in saying that what you are getting at inside your experience is totally impossible to convey with words?

OccurringThought (1:13:20 AM): to discribe it exactly yes, but there are ways to tell people to let them realize for themselves that theres something there underneath it all, and that they too need to go out and question and discover "it"

OccurringThought (1:14:29 AM): otherwise why would there be it, if only the few got a chance to experience it, there has to be a way to relate it to everybody so that anybody has the possiblity and chance to be aware

maninwhitepaper (1:14:50 AM): Everyone does have the possibility.

maninwhitepaper (1:14:55 AM): Why do you think everyone else is here?

maninwhitepaper (1:15:00 AM): Do you think they are here for you?

OccurringThought (1:15:36 AM): dont think im crazy, but right now im here to tell people about "it"

OccurringThought (1:15:57 AM): but i dont know enough to tell people

OccurringThought (1:16:25 AM): i mean honestly i dont think you should take this seriously, i want you to, but i just dont have enough information to give people

maninwhitepaper (1:16:42 AM): Hm, I see ...

maninwhitepaper (1:16:45 AM): Then, whereas before I thought you had gotten to where I am at, I believe I may actually be a step ahead of you.

OccurringThought (1:17:00 AM): so you've felt this too?

maninwhitepaper (1:17:34 AM): I've deliberated over this since a very long time ago. But only recently are more things beginning to surface, faster than before.

maninwhitepaper (1:18:30 AM): But, I can't be for certain if you're where I am at because of the words you are using to describe it. I wouldn't use the same words if I was trying to tell someone else, you see what I mean?

OccurringThought (1:18:38 AM): yeah

OccurringThought (1:19:05 AM): so whats up with Ian and John or Andrew why hasnt anybody else gotten this?

OccurringThought (1:19:18 AM): dude we need to get together and write some stuff down

maninwhitepaper (1:19:29 AM): Well, you were talking to Weathers a bit, they seem to understand as well.

OccurringThought (1:19:32 AM): yeah

maninwhitepaper (1:19:37 AM): But to them, even they explain it different.

maninwhitepaper (1:19:41 AM): I listened to them last night as well.

maninwhitepaper (1:20:02 AM): I was a little less high than when I was listening to you, though, so I apologize for being a little confused.

OccurringThought (1:20:09 AM): no problem man

maninwhitepaper (1:20:19 AM): It's just that when I'm high I have a lot of trouble with words.

OccurringThought (1:20:38 AM): it was just frustrating when people started laughing in your kitchen but otherwise it was all good

maninwhitepaper (1:21:20 AM): I can see how you want to tell people or have them take you seriously, but that's what I meant by a step ahead is because I've even stopped doing that.

maninwhitepaper (1:21:52 AM): Because, truly, no outside influence will make another person understand this ... state or awareness.

OccurringThought (1:22:07 AM): well when you wanted to tell people, did you feel like it was your duty. because right now...its a need i have

OccurringThought (1:22:12 AM): i want people to listen and get it

OccurringThought (1:22:20 AM): i want them to take this farther than even i can

maninwhitepaper (1:22:37 AM): Impossible.

maninwhitepaper (1:22:44 AM): Who do you think has taken it the farthest?

OccurringThought (1:23:29 AM): well if we're onto something real...i'd imagine it'd be someone like ghandi, Budda or Jesus. but i dont think we can become like that its impossible or right now i see it as an impossibility

OccurringThought (1:23:47 AM): like right now

OccurringThought (1:23:58 AM): i see all sides of everything, or i can feel it

OccurringThought (1:24:07 AM): about all kinds of topics

OccurringThought (1:24:58 AM): like vegitarians, vegans, or normal people, or tree huggers or loggers or those that dont care...and i see that any one view is wrong

OccurringThought (1:25:02 AM): you need them all

OccurringThought (1:25:06 AM): and they dont realize it

OccurringThought (1:25:15 AM): we're all wrong seperatly

OccurringThought (1:25:17 AM): but right together

OccurringThought (1:25:35 AM): theres some sort of balance that people choose to ignore because they want to be right

OccurringThought (1:26:16 AM): and then i realize im just as bad as them because i can only choose one point of view and argue for it, because its impossible to be all of them

OccurringThought (1:27:35 AM): you know everyone has they're own view and as individualists...it doesnt matter to me or you only them, but we can share similar views and thats when the become important, but then theres other people that share their other views and its just a never ending web where everyone else is wrong because we cant see it exactly the same as the other person

OccurringThought (1:28:20 AM): like you may see faimly as something important and i can too, but maybe my value in it is slightly lower than yours and theres the arguement the right and wrong

OccurringThought (1:29:46 AM): or maybe there is one right way to see things and believe in things we just havent found it yet

OccurringThought (1:29:56 AM): right now i could be very wrong about all of this

OccurringThought (1:30:16 AM): i mean right now everybody that i talk to about this say its only because i was high

OccurringThought (1:30:23 AM): so im a pothead and im just making shit up

OccurringThought (1:31:13 AM): i'd love to be something like jesus

OccurringThought (1:31:19 AM): to tell people this message

OccurringThought (1:31:22 AM): whatever it is im feeling

OccurringThought (1:31:37 AM): and just get people to open up and realize that its a possiblity

OccurringThought (1:33:01 AM): this is above right and wrong you know, people need to get over themselves and get this...whatever this is

OccurringThought (1:33:23 AM): i think this may even be bigger than God

OccurringThought (1:33:36 AM): God is just another piece

OccurringThought (1:33:38 AM): along with you and me

maninwhitepaper (1:33:44 AM): I don't think God is a defined size.

OccurringThought (1:34:12 AM): no but peoples belief in him its bigger than that, bigger that the Creator

OccurringThought (1:34:27 AM): whatever started us, whatever ends us

OccurringThought (1:34:33 AM): its just another piece of it

OccurringThought (1:34:47 AM): it encompasses all

maninwhitepaper (1:35:58 AM): Hm.

maninwhitepaper (1:36:12 AM): What if there isn't a start or an end?

maninwhitepaper (1:36:39 AM): Those words describe something real, not something intangible ...

OccurringThought (1:37:19 AM): there doesnt need to be, its a belief people have and their belief is with in "it" so "it" is bigger than the belief, more than it

OccurringThought (1:38:20 AM): its almost as if every thought, and thing is connected and you're able to feel and see them and the ideas and the rights and the wrongs and whatever it maybe and you see that...its all apart of something else

OccurringThought (1:41:53 AM): im not talking about the physical start and end, im talking about how people think it started, im talking about how people think what God is or Who he is. Im talking about how people see doing chores, and how they see eating dinner, its not the action but how they see it as just another thing in life...how its so unimportant, but at the same time the most important, because the thoughts of doing so are connected with the thoughts of brilliant mathmaticians or artists or government officials but this is more than just the greatest and the best, its the worst and the ugliest...everything

OccurringThought (1:43:03 AM): its the mediocre and the normal.

OccurringThought (1:43:09 AM): i think the ying and the yang are wrong

OccurringThought (1:43:15 AM): theres more than two sides to everything

OccurringThought (1:43:47 AM): there are billions upon billions of perspectives and sides on any given subject

maninwhitepaper (1:45:52 AM): So if you were to take a piece of paper and call it "life", you wouldn't draw a line down the middle and color one side ... you would turn the pencil on it's side and color the whole thing gray?

OccurringThought (1:46:23 AM): no man you

OccurringThought (1:46:32 AM): you'd need more than just gray

OccurringThought (1:46:49 AM): youd have tons of shapes, and shades and colors

OccurringThought (1:47:39 AM): the paper edge would be in constant changing, like almost a wave..theres no border or end....

maninwhitepaper (1:48:11 AM): So I couldn't even use a piece of paper.

OccurringThought (1:48:13 AM): like its like putty, you can stretch it forever, imprint any image or color or whatever

OccurringThought (1:48:24 AM): no

OccurringThought (1:48:29 AM): something fluid

maninwhitepaper (1:48:43 AM): And you think life is that?

OccurringThought (1:49:10 AM): something like that

OccurringThought (1:49:40 AM): life should be able to take on anything anyone wants to give it

OccurringThought (1:49:55 AM): but maybe thats what "it" is, or what i just discribed

OccurringThought (1:49:59 AM): maybe thats life with "it"

OccurringThought (1:50:15 AM): maybe life is just the line down the center of a square piece of paper

OccurringThought (1:50:25 AM): and were stuck with in it, on one side or the other

maninwhitepaper (1:51:06 AM): But the very fact that you can realize that there is another side, don't you think that means that there's something else that is unlockable inside your head?

maninwhitepaper (1:51:39 AM): If what we're seeing and experiencing in this life: jobs, other people, sex, love, music, etc. If that is only one half of the equation ...

maninwhitepaper (1:51:43 AM): What is the other half?

maninwhitepaper (1:51:52 AM): What's contained on the other side of the paper?

OccurringThought (1:51:59 AM): the opposites and everything inbetween

OccurringThought (1:52:07 AM): thats what "it" is

OccurringThought (1:52:13 AM): you and i realize the paper and be turned over

OccurringThought (1:52:30 AM): and theres something there...a whole other side...and people just cant get it

OccurringThought (1:52:45 AM): they are fixated on the border on the front

OccurringThought (1:53:02 AM): and=can

OccurringThought (1:53:41 AM): and even more than just turned over

OccurringThought (1:53:46 AM): you can fold a corner

maninwhitepaper (1:53:51 AM): Right, you can do other things.

OccurringThought (1:53:52 AM): fold it in half

maninwhitepaper (1:53:56 AM): Make a hat.

OccurringThought (1:53:58 AM): etc.

OccurringThought (1:54:01 AM): exactly

maninwhitepaper (1:54:20 AM): Yeah, I think what you need is some other people to talk to about this.

OccurringThought (1:54:45 AM): but you and the twins i think are the only ones that are getting this.. at least as far as i can tell

OccurringThought (1:54:53 AM): like ian is trying but he doesnt get it

OccurringThought (1:55:00 AM): adam thinks its just the weed

OccurringThought (1:55:11 AM): anybody outside my friends will think im crazy

OccurringThought (1:55:23 AM): but i guess thats the challenge of letting people know...

OccurringThought (1:55:42 AM): even john said i was crazy today for getting the book about it

OccurringThought (1:55:56 AM): for thinking theres more to it

maninwhitepaper (1:57:15 AM): Well, you are right in thinking that some people don't want to think about it.

maninwhitepaper (1:57:29 AM): One time, with Andrew, I was talking in the kitchen about the event of death.

maninwhitepaper (1:57:36 AM): Not the concept or the why, just the experience of it.

OccurringThought (1:57:49 AM): yeah man we were getting into that in the car and he just made us stop

maninwhitepaper (1:57:59 AM): I was trying to convey it like: a wall of static that is flowing on and on and then just stops. Everything is just not there.

maninwhitepaper (1:58:47 AM): Well, all Tomasi seems to be wired for is drugs and women.

OccurringThought (1:58:55 AM): i guess so

OccurringThought (1:59:04 AM): man..theres so much more....

OccurringThought (1:59:11 AM): i can just feel it

OccurringThought (1:59:18 AM): within my brain, under my skin

maninwhitepaper (2:00:28 AM): It's just all.

OccurringThought (2:00:34 AM): yeah...

maninwhitepaper (2:00:35 AM): You're in it.

OccurringThought (2:00:44 AM): it just flows

maninwhitepaper (2:01:12 AM): Would you say this is an illusion, or would you describe it more like a distraction?

OccurringThought (2:02:08 AM): not even a distracting...all of this is just a part of it...

OccurringThought (2:02:52 AM): you just need to learn to look in the other directions other than forward

OccurringThought (2:03:07 AM): and i guess some people just cant

OccurringThought (2:03:13 AM): just the way we are

maninwhitepaper (2:03:48 AM): Is that what you were talking about before with the "can't see behind you" bit?

OccurringThought (2:03:55 AM): maybe man

OccurringThought (2:04:05 AM): like it would make sense now

OccurringThought (2:04:49 AM): cause im thinking i had two consciencious...like two of me...and one didnt want to go on, and the other was excited and urged me to continue and it just overloaded me that night

OccurringThought (2:05:17 AM): i wasnt expecting what i got maybe

OccurringThought (2:05:36 AM): and at first...its like weed just something to eat with and listen to music

OccurringThought (2:05:41 AM): thats just abusing it

OccurringThought (2:05:46 AM): John is abusing weed

maninwhitepaper (2:06:01 AM): O yes, that is abuse.

maninwhitepaper (2:06:28 AM): But, also, it's necessary. Because constant revelation will make you delirious.

OccurringThought (2:06:33 AM): i have a feeling john is incapable of getting to this level

OccurringThought (2:07:12 AM): like i've always looked down on him for some reason...and maybe something was telling me that this is the difference between me and him...i can reach this..and he cant

OccurringThought (2:07:22 AM): but its not his fault

maninwhitepaper (2:07:51 AM): Well, not entirely.

OccurringThought (2:08:02 AM): is this why ian got weirded out?

maninwhitepaper (2:08:08 AM): Well ...

maninwhitepaper (2:08:14 AM): See my dad has this saying.

maninwhitepaper (2:08:55 AM): "Some people 'get it' and some people don't." Then he usually follows up by telling me or Ian or whoever that the person in question either does or does not get "it".

maninwhitepaper (2:09:22 AM): I never really asked what he meant, but everytime someone does something stupid ... or ridiculously frivolous, he'll say that.

maninwhitepaper (2:09:48 AM): Some people are just ... witty. They know "what's going on".

maninwhitepaper (2:10:05 AM): You can meet these people, they're hard to meet because they get shy too, or slip up and make mistakes.

maninwhitepaper (2:10:11 AM): But, they just talk differently.

maninwhitepaper (2:10:43 AM): Weathers was getting at this yesterday. That once you get to that point, you can't go back to not knowing about this ... whatever thingy.

maninwhitepaper (2:10:52 AM): And it just makes you different.

OccurringThought (2:11:10 AM): im getting there...maybe i just reached it...i have no idea

OccurringThought (2:11:25 AM): but i know what you're saying

maninwhitepaper (2:11:35 AM): You probably won't know. No one ever knows for certain.

maninwhitepaper (2:11:47 AM): But, that's because it's not anything words can even touch.

maninwhitepaper (2:12:07 AM): Even internal dialogue, which seems to have it's own rules at times, cannot reach this plateau either.

maninwhitepaper (2:12:32 AM): It's more like a switch inside your head. Suddenly you just accidentally hit it.

maninwhitepaper (2:12:58 AM): Or maybe you discover it and you look at it, try to find out what it's connected to.

maninwhitepaper (2:13:10 AM): But, then you'll find out: it's not connected to anything.

maninwhitepaper (2:13:31 AM): Because there isn't a thing that will connect to it.

maninwhitepaper (2:13:56 AM): And now you see that I'm ranting about what I think "it" is, and yet I sound completely different from you.

OccurringThought (2:14:18 AM): yeah...

OccurringThought (2:14:40 AM): well maybe the wall i was talking about is your switch

OccurringThought (2:15:19 AM): i never said i knew what was behind the wall if anything...just that the wall was blocking me from whatever it was behind it

OccurringThought (2:15:34 AM): and i had the desire to break it down, and get past it

maninwhitepaper (2:15:37 AM): Weathers said something similar, about the glass of water.

maninwhitepaper (2:15:51 AM): Or ... were you there for that?

maninwhitepaper (2:15:57 AM): That may have been last night.

OccurringThought (2:15:58 AM): i dont think so

maninwhitepaper (2:16:40 AM): Yeah, like I said ... I think that the concept is so big, that people end up exhausting all of the dialogue that they have learned in their lives to attempt and explain it.

maninwhitepaper (2:16:55 AM): Which is why people can listen to it and say: "you are just saying a bunch of bullshit and it doesn't make sense".

maninwhitepaper (2:17:03 AM): But, that's because it doesn't. To them.

OccurringThought (2:17:20 AM): that maybe right

OccurringThought (2:17:29 AM): at this point though

OccurringThought (2:17:45 AM): i just feel there needs to be away to communicate it to others

OccurringThought (2:17:52 AM): and maybe its just a phase

OccurringThought (2:18:15 AM): because im on to something so great i dont want to keep it to myself and the torture is no one but me will get it like i do

maninwhitepaper (2:18:58 AM): Well, I can agree, there does need to be a way to convey this. But, Weathers also addressed that, saying "what if, like science, we can go through all of this and apply terms or tangible things to all this intangible territory?"

OccurringThought (2:19:51 AM): seems like its possible

OccurringThought (2:20:16 AM): start our own intangible dictionary, wordiscription of the feeling or whatever

maninwhitepaper (2:20:40 AM): Something like that.

maninwhitepaper (2:20:56 AM): I think that it would be just enough for all of us to congregate and talk.

OccurringThought (2:21:16 AM): we need to be able to apply it to universals that everyone knows...but that may be impossible

OccurringThought (2:22:14 AM): its like while you're discribing it...you use "of" but to you its not exactly that..but its the only word you know that could fit well enough to continue

maninwhitepaper (2:22:45 AM): Yes.

maninwhitepaper (2:22:58 AM): Well, I could see the following problem arising: that we, as a group, develop a vocabulary for this state or "it", whatever. But then, every person besides us will still not understand what we mean. Only if we are able to group with all people everywhere and then develop a language will everyone truly understand.

maninwhitepaper (2:23:14 AM): But, then, you realize, that's impossible anyway.

OccurringThought (2:23:38 AM): maybe if we publish what we mean, and then the books written in that way...

maninwhitepaper (2:23:42 AM): At least, it's impossible within the boundries of life.

OccurringThought (2:23:45 AM): but thats unlikely

OccurringThought (2:25:00 AM): its like us 4 are connected...we can tell what we are each feeling...but we all speak another language..but we know each others on to it, meanwhile everyone else has no clue what we are on to and speaks a different language than the rest of us

maninwhitepaper (2:25:36 AM): Yes.

maninwhitepaper (2:25:50 AM): But, see, there are these divides in life at more mundane levels.

maninwhitepaper (2:25:59 AM): Not just this ridiculous cosmic deliberation.

maninwhitepaper (2:26:06 AM): Like: girls and boys.

maninwhitepaper (2:26:31 AM): No matter what, they'll end up speaking different languages until the end of time.

maninwhitepaper (2:27:16 AM): And there's nothing to bridge the gap. Although some experiences like menstruation can be conveyed, because we have words for those feelings: angry, sad, craving for odd foods.

OccurringThought (2:27:26 AM): so you're saying 4 girls could feel like we do, and we wouldnt ever be able to understand them just because..of something like a dialect...it maybe similar but different enough to stop us from communicating successfully

maninwhitepaper (2:27:28 AM): But, for this topic, there is no bridge.

maninwhitepaper (2:27:48 AM): Right, yes. Even the interpersonal differences will halt you in your tracks.

OccurringThought (2:27:49 AM): because of a basic difference

maninwhitepaper (2:28:11 AM): It boils down to: we need some other form of communication before we can transfer these ideas.

OccurringThought (2:28:19 AM): the difference chemicals that run through us

OccurringThought (2:28:38 AM): something that can move beyond language and body signs

OccurringThought (2:28:46 AM): something that anybody can just totally get....

OccurringThought (2:29:17 AM): something we dont have...just a connection between people

maninwhitepaper (2:29:37 AM): Right.

maninwhitepaper (2:29:39 AM): But some people have that.

maninwhitepaper (2:29:46 AM): Like siblings.

OccurringThought (2:29:58 AM): like what i was talking about...where someone enters the room and you know they have it

maninwhitepaper (2:30:10 AM): Yes.

maninwhitepaper (2:30:18 AM): The thing that makes you understand.

OccurringThought (2:30:27 AM): maybe we cant create it

OccurringThought (2:30:34 AM): like thats the challenge

OccurringThought (2:30:42 AM): you get it...now your almost alone

OccurringThought (2:30:50 AM): so do you sacrafice it to get along

OccurringThought (2:30:54 AM): or do you get "it"

maninwhitepaper (2:31:12 AM): Yeah, I was reading over that thing you wrote down.

maninwhitepaper (2:31:16 AM): About being alone.

OccurringThought (2:32:02 AM): i think at this level...we are all seperate entities....that just happen to meet at the same time...and hopefully at another level...we can communicate better

maninwhitepaper (2:32:12 AM): Yes, yes, yes.

maninwhitepaper (2:32:21 AM): Now you see what I mean.

maninwhitepaper (2:32:35 AM): "At another level we can communicate better."

OccurringThought (2:32:41 AM): just like thoughts in another dimension that belong to someone...or another plane..and you see them and know they are there....but just can make them out

OccurringThought (2:32:49 AM): so you just continue trudging along

OccurringThought (2:32:57 AM): yes!!!!!!!!! dude it just gets more amazing

maninwhitepaper (2:33:26 AM): Mmhm.

OccurringThought (2:33:26 AM): but its daunting too

maninwhitepaper (2:33:38 AM): And that's why I stopped talking about it.

maninwhitepaper (2:33:46 AM): I was kind of getting there, with the seeds ...

maninwhitepaper (2:34:09 AM): But, you think you could get some work done that way. No, it will distract the hell out of you.

maninwhitepaper (2:34:15 AM): You will scare the shit out of yourself.

OccurringThought (2:34:42 AM): you know what we need to do...find out how it is you get to the next level....what sparks the change

maninwhitepaper (2:34:47 AM): You will make your own physical body wear. Your heart will beat faster, your mind will race and you cannot shut it up. Even while thinking clearly the whole time.

maninwhitepaper (2:35:06 AM): I'm not sure it's so simple that we could find it out.

maninwhitepaper (2:35:21 AM): Perhaps it's nothing, or maybe even it is a complex series of step that have to be taken.

OccurringThought (2:36:09 AM): i dunno

OccurringThought (2:36:18 AM): because it seems as you go along...you start getting things faster

OccurringThought (2:36:27 AM): so...i dunno

OccurringThought (2:36:37 AM): just havent experianced it enough

OccurringThought (2:36:46 AM): i bet theres a way to trigger it though

OccurringThought (2:37:03 AM): its so amazing though...these levels

OccurringThought (2:37:24 AM): cause...like you have always known what i was going through...like when i was talking about stuff

OccurringThought (2:37:40 AM): and its good to know your ahead of me...cause like i said...i cant be the teacher...i need to learn

maninwhitepaper (2:38:45 AM): Well, I mean ...

maninwhitepaper (2:38:51 AM): Being the pioneer kind of sucks ass.

maninwhitepaper (2:39:38 AM): And you end up you know ... being ridiculously cynical, or getting totally delirious.

OccurringThought (2:40:11 AM): well i want to try and catch up to you but i have no idea how to get to where you are...and when it seems i've finally reached where you were...you off someplace else

maninwhitepaper (2:40:24 AM): Because, I try to tell people about that bad trip ... but it's just not something you can explain. It was just hell, man. And I find it amazing that my own head was able to put itself into hell.

maninwhitepaper (2:41:03 AM): Maybe, maybe it's not even like that. Like you get further fast at one point, but then are slower during one period. Maybe you stop and start a lot, who knows.

OccurringThought (2:41:36 AM): it feels like a lot of stopping and starting for me

maninwhitepaper (2:42:10 AM): Which, I could see might be frustrating, but just realize that it's your own way of going about it.

OccurringThought (2:43:24 AM): i just feel like im ready for more of it...like what i have given myself isnt enough to do anything, i can just look at what i have and wait for the other pieces to arrive

maninwhitepaper (2:43:58 AM): Maybe ... but, then again life is quite a waiting game.

OccurringThought (2:44:04 AM): Its just somedays i feel like I'm about to break through this wall, something from keeping me from the next level of whatever life is, to finally be able to figure this thing out and i get stumped. Its like i have this almost infinite piece puzzle infront of me, with no picture on the front of the box for a refrence and im still looking for that 4th corner.

OccurringThought (2:44:16 AM): that was written a month ago by me

OccurringThought (2:44:33 AM): its exactly it

maninwhitepaper (2:44:46 AM): You're definitely keeping a closer eye on this progression than I did.

maninwhitepaper (2:44:59 AM): Your best bet is probably to just keep writing things down and saving them.

maninwhitepaper (2:45:13 AM): Maybe you won't even realize you've broken through until you read some of your older stuff.

OccurringThought (2:45:44 AM): yeah looking back im guessing i've gotten the 4th corner, maybe some of the border...

OccurringThought (2:45:53 AM): we'll see compared to next time i guess

maninwhitepaper (2:46:27 AM): Well, if you find that some of the puzzle pieces don't seem to fit ... or even that the pieces themselves are even puzzles, I'd be prepared for that.

OccurringThought (2:46:51 AM): dude you should read my xanga, my feb 7 entry...it relates a lot to this right now

OccurringThought (2:46:56 AM): kk

OccurringThought (2:47:07 AM): im expecting it to get harder from here..

maninwhitepaper (2:47:36 AM): It might.

maninwhitepaper (2:47:48 AM): But, don't worry too much about it.

maninwhitepaper (2:47:54 AM): Just see what happens, that's the best part.

OccurringThought (2:48:06 AM): yeah man..im excited i know that much

maninwhitepaper (2:49:24 AM):

maninwhitepaper (2:49:26 AM): That's good.

maninwhitepaper (2:49:27 AM): But, damn.

maninwhitepaper (2:49:38 AM): It's getting late and I'm going to need some rest.

OccurringThought (2:49:42 AM): yeah...

OccurringThought (2:49:44 AM): that sounds good

maninwhitepaper (2:50:25 AM):

maninwhitepaper (2:50:42 AM): 'Night, bud. Talk to you later.

OccurringThought (2:50:48 AM): yeah man c ya later

finally after some research i've been able to find out what it is, or at least what i think it is so far...

Tao (pronounced "Dow") can be roughly translated into English as path, or the way. It is basically indefinable. It has to be experienced. It "refers to a power which envelops, surrounds and flows through all things, living and non-living. The Tao regulates natural processes and nourishes balance in the Universe. It embodies the harmony of opposites (i.e. there would be no love without hate, no light without dark, no male without female.)"

I bought a book at barnes and noble last night called the Tao of Philosophy and here a few quotes that seem to explain exactly what it is that im experiening.
'" The Tao which can be spoken is not the eternal Tao" in other words you cannot explain it. The Great Tao flows everywhere from left to right'
"Bodhi or Moksha means an awakening or revelation. You find the really deep deep self that is fundementally and forever the whole of being all there is, the whole of being, all that there is, the works, it is you"

whatever is in bold is what i have experience personally, please go out and buy this book...its all real. This is something amazing!