Remember The Smurfs?

I do. Vaguely.

The thing I remember most about The Smurfs is how many of them there were. Remember? There were like a million of those little buggers. All running around shirtless with their little blue chests and their little white pants and their little white hats. Did they think that was sexy? Why didn't The Smurfs wear shirts?

They also had their own little personalities, like Sleepy Smurf, Sneezy Smurf, Doc Smurf, Dopey Smur...wait a minute. I think that was The Seven Dwarfs. Hey!! See a connection there? Little short guys living together working hard, having fun. I see a convincing case of copyright infringement there. I want in.

Anyhoo, one of the things I could never understand is that for all the male Smurfs, there was only 1 female Smurf. Smurfette. Remember her? She was a babe. At least, I think she was supposed to be a babe in Smurf terms. She had the long flowing blonde hair, the sexy little dress and the high heels. Of course she was blue...but I guess blue is hot to other blue Smurfs. My question is: How come the other Smurfs never hooked up with Smurfette? I mean she was the only chick in a land full of guys, yet she lived alone in her little mushroom house. Weird, huh? You know what I think? I'm gonna tell you. I think Papa Smurf was hitting that. (Shhh!) I mean come on. Papa Smurf was kinda sexy. He had the cool white beard and the (gasp!) red pants and hat. You know Smurfette was like, "DAMN BABY! I love those red pants you have on!" So, I'm guessing Papa Smurf had that stuff on lock down, that's why none of the other Smurfs messed with her. Maybe that's why they were all blue. They were never getting any but had to watch Smurfette stroll her hot self all around everyday.

On that note, where all of a sudden did the baby Smurfs come from? That's how I know Papa Smurf and Smurfette MUST have had something going on. I mean, come on. Babies don't just appear. There was some rockin' and rollin' going on somewhere.

I think Papa Smurf and Smurfette had a secret love affair. They should do an Expose' on E! Round up all the other Smurfs and do interviews on their clandestine love. They would show stuff like Brainy Smurf confessing his love for Smurfette, Papa Smurf and Smurfette dodging the paparazzi and punching out the camera men.

Hell, I know I'd watch it.