In honor of George Mason University, this year's April Fool's joke at the Final Four.

PATRIOT, n. In the history of the United States of America, one of the scoundrels responsible for its founding. As most of these worthy gentlemen were merchants and growers whose principal reason for seeking independence from England was an assault by the Crown on their profits, the absence of a "y" from the first syllable of the word is surprising. See NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE: NEW ENGLAND - in their new stadium, of course. PATRIOTIC: Profitable, usually more so to those doing the urging than those being urged. See ARLINGTON NATIONAL CEMETERY. PATRIOT ACT: Earthquake, with its epicenter at Monticello. See ALIEN AND SEDITION ACTS (just in case you actually thought the Patriot Act was something new to America), BUNKER, HOMELAND SECURITY.

But you know as well as I, patriotism is a word; and one that generally comes to mean either my country, right or wrong, which is infamous, or my country is always right, which is imbecile.

- Patrick O’Brian

  - O Ceallaigh

Copyright © 2006 Felloffatruck Publications, featuring The New Millennium Devil's Dictionary. All wrongs deplored.

All opinions are mine as a private citizen.