BOWL, n. Hollow, roughly hemispherical object with a flattened bottom, used for holding food and other items. SUPER BOWL: Particularly large variant, not infrequently with a lid, used for holding people who are screaming themselves hoarse watching a football game and associated striptease – most of whom could eat for a month on the price of a single ticket, or retire in comfort on the price of a single 30-second TV commercial. BUD BOWL: See "commercial", supra. Showcase for the dauntless defenders of mediocrity. The raison d'être of the NFL.

BODY, n. Obstacle to the goals and aspirations of your enemies. Commonly found dead. BODY ART: The tattoos of professional basketball players with multimillion-dollar contracts, entourages, press agents, and a need to command “respect" that extends to the assaulting of fans in the stands.

BRAVE, adj. [from Latin barbarus] Barbaric behavior when I approve of it. Especially when, as a result, you draw the bullet that would otherwise find me.

When used as a noun, the term signifies a member of a professional baseball team, whose fans are much given to dressing up in caricatures of North American Indians and making chopping motions with toy plastic tomahawks. The Braves originated in Boston, from whence the Indians were first extirpated by massacre, disease, alcohol, and forced migration to points west and south. The baseball team eventually followed the Indians, first to Milwaukee, and then to Atlanta – where on occasion it would rise to the top of the league standings only, in the end, to suffer defeat at the hands of the Yankees.

BET, n. The other raison d'être of professional sports (see BOWL, supra). The little boy bugler for the four horsemen of the Apocalypse.

  - O Ceallaigh

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