PLAYOFF, n. (commonly PLAYOFFS) Sporting contest ostensibly to decide a championship, but actually to provide the league with additional opportunities to bilk the customers. The winner is usually not the team with the most wins during the regular season, but the team that offers the biggest payoffs to the bookies.

FRAUD, n. A person who does not perform to another’s expectations. Usually said of a star athlete by a couch potato who has just lost a bet.

CHEERLEADER, n. Animated pom-pom stand, seen at certain sporting events.

Back when a person could wear a raccoon coat without being targeted as an enemy of the planet, cheerleaders were men and actually led cheers. Today, cheerleaders are mostly young, attractive women, intended to be seen rather than heard and undressed accordingly. They are there as reminders of the ancient principle “to the victor goes the spoils" – if he can afford them.

The cheerleader is notably absent from women’s athletics.

  - O Ceallaigh

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