The New Millennium Devil's Dictionary - Ant (Critters #2)

ANT, n. Small, six-legged varmint found wherever you put your foot, and usually discovered, to your discomfort, only after you've put it there. In literature, a common metaphor for virtuous behavior; the metaphor was eagerly adopted by capitalist societies until they realized that one of the virtues being modeled was “thrift", which is bad for business and government alike. The virtues of real ants include extreme radical feminism, absolute monarchy, a rigid caste system, the prosecution of aggressive warfare, and the practice of slavery.

ARMY ANT: a mobile column stripping bare everything in its path; rather like the army in Iraq, except that, being the State, it receives all the resources of the State, it is untroubled by peace demonstrators in their SUVs, and it never occurs to any of its marchers to complain about extended tours of duty.

CARPENTER ANT: in certain climates, the reason why the tree just fell on your house. Carpenter ants have never, to this lexicographer’s knowledge, accepted any responsibility for damage, and though they have the numbers and productivity to make the necessary repairs, no contract to this effect has ever successfully been let.

FIRE ANT: A hard thing to accomplish. They don’t stay fired. They may fire you.

  - O Ceallaigh

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