We've all seen the television ads for Internet dating services:

"We have brought together over 35 kazillion couples who are now so blissfully happy that they can barely contain themselves".

I think that's great...if it's true. I'm not being cynical, honestly, because I believe that people can find love anywhere, and do. The Internet is no exception. I have been frequenting message boards and chat rooms for years and subsequently have had a couple of romantic relationships that started on the Internet. When I first started doing the chatting and posting scene, however, I was simply looking for interesting and lively conversation, and hopefully new and lasting friendships with people I might not otherwise have met. And all of that happened! The romantic relationships that formed from my foray into the Internet chatting world came about naturally after a couple of these cultivated friendships developed into something more.

Lately I have been reading about some of the popular Internet dating services that are out there, such as Match.com and Eharmony.com. I've gone into those sites and read some of the profiles of those who are looking for "companionship" - and I've seen a trend that just doesn't sit right with me.

Why do so many people believe that they should state, right from the start and for everyone to peruse, what their sexual preferences are and what they expect sexually from a partner?

I'm no prude - I came of age in the 70's and did my fair share of the outraegeous things that people did in that decade and in the decades following. I have no problem talking about sex or extending my views on healthy sexuality. But do I want someone whom I've basically just met to tell me what they expect in bed and how good they think they are in that area? I'm sorry, but not really.

And when you're submitting your profile to an Internet dating service site, that's what you're doing, telling people about yourself just like you would if you were, say, on a blind date.

So lets imagine a scenario. You're a woman and your best friend sets you up on a blind date. You meet the man in a local restaurant and you introduce yourselves. You ask the man to tell you a little about himself. He says, "Well, I work out 3 times a week, I have an 8-inch penis, and I love to experiment sexually. I like a woman who is not afraid to try anything sexually at least once, and I expect her to have as voracious a sexual appetite as I do. She must also keep her body completely toned and taut, or she'll turn me off sexually."

Be honest; would you stay there, or would you get up, go home, and then call your friend and tell her to never, ever, think of setting you up with a blind date again?

Women can be just as bad with their profiles. Though they may tend to be more subtle about it, the innuendos are still there. "I'll do anything for the right man". "I'm very flexible and uninhibited".

This "cut to the chase" attitude when it comes to courtship makes me sad, really. In fact, I don't think of it as courtship at all. Courtship, in my mind, begins with attraction and grows from there. You get to know one another gradually and sexual attraction comes not only from appreciating each other's physical attributes, but also from realizing that you click emotionally, intellectually, and even spiritually as well. If you don't take the time to let all of these things between the two of you grow and flourish, then your sex life will two-dimensional. Fine for some, but not for most.

If I was to put my profile into one of those sites, I think this is what mine would say:

"I am a writer who also loves to read. I enjoy living by the ocean and walks along the beach relax me. I have a good sense of humor, and don't take myself too seriously. I take other things seriously, however; such as war, poverty, education, and health care reform. I believe in God. I believe in being kind, and in being a good listener. I like people - I like to hear their stories. I like to walk, but I don't consider exercise a religion nor the gym a church. I could probably stand to lose 30 lbs, but I like to enjoy myself so that may never happen. I'm not offended by anyone who doesn't want to date me because of how I look - just as many might not want to date me because of my political views. That's called "choice".
I don't care one iota how big your schlong is or how many times you can do "it" in one night. Sex is great, but I really don't want to discuss it with you the first time we email, talk, or chat online. If all you're looking for is to get laid, there are plenty of ways to do that. Don't waste my time if you don't care to show that you have any substance as a human being. Substance and "clicking" first...the rest comes naturally."

Tracy