The Flavor Flav Show Trilogy is Complete or Why Spitting in Someone's Face Never Felt So Right

For years, Flavor Flav floundered in obscurity as the "hype man" for pioneering rap act Public Enemy. His duties were dressing funny, occasionally rapping, and mostly just yelping in the background of songs and at shows. Recently, however, VH1 cast him as a member of the Surreal Life...a horribly addiciting show that I conffess to watching way too much. If for some reason you don't know, the show takes C level celebrities and throws them together in a Hollywood mansion and wacky adventures ensue; subsequently, my time is also wasted.

The first couple of seasons were pretty uneventful (not counting the episode where Vanilla Ice picks up Gary Coleman in a diner and trys to get him to say, "Watcha talkin' bout Willis"). I watched, but I watched without enthusiasm. It was kind of like how I watch bums hassle people for money from my front porch; it's basically the same story everytime but the outcome is slightly different.

But the show changed dramatically with the emergence of Flav, or as VH1 calls him, Reality Show's Golden Boy. They could air a half hour show of him cleaning his garage and people would watch it. After Surreal Life, they quickly capatilized on Flav and his "relationship" with Bridgette Nielson, in a zany little show called Strange Love. This show was a bit disappointing following the hilarity of the Surreal Life, but it had it's moments. Nielson is just kind of scary and Flavor was the real star anyway.

So VH1 did what any good network would do, they combined the general likeability of Flav with the strange allure that is seeing him becoming intimate with a woman. They combined these ideas into the reality show tour de force that is Flavor of Love.

Now, when I say: "the strange allure that is seeing him becoming intimate with a woman", I actually mean: "what woman in their right mind would touch this freakish creature". Don't get me wrong, I love Flavor, but he is one strange looking motherfucker. He looks like the abandoned lovechild of Kermit the Frog and Gollum from The Lord of the Rings. He wears viking hats and clocks around is neck, and basically just acts like he's 12 all the time. Watching handfuls of young, fairly attractive ladies throw themselves at him on this "The Bachelor on Acid" ripoff has been some of the best television I have ever seen.

The series and the Flav Trilogy came to it's amazing apex in the most recent episode when Pumkin spit in the face of Ms. New York (Flavor gave them all unique names in the first episode). They can't top that moment or Flav's reaction and VH1 shouldn't even try. If you don't know what I'm talking about, turn on VH1, they air it at least once every four hours.

In today's reality saturated TV world, it's rare you ever see someone emerge as a successful star of ONE show, let alone three. I hope Flavor Flav retires from the small screen to protect his legacy...Next step, major motion pictures! FLAVOR FLAV!