My sister recently went down to Florida with her boyfriend, and when they returned, they came back with three alligators.

Now, the fact in itself that they even acquired, or would want to acquire, three alligators is not so unusual when you realize what fearless animal fanatics they are and that the alligators are all infants, under a foot long. It's really like dealing with a large lizard at this point, nothing too dangerous.

My mother, on the other hand, took a more commonly held view of the situation:

"WHAT THE HELL WERE THEY THINKING!!!" she angrily typed to me, the import of her words made more forceful by giant, italicized, capitalized text flinging itself onto the screen. After finding the Alligators happily set up in an aquarium in my sister's bedroom, my mother had flipped. "I DON'T WANT THOSE VICIOUS ANIMALS IN MY HOUSE!"

Here came the dilemma as well as the basis for a long and complicated AIM conversation I had between my mother and sister later that day. My sister argued that the alligators were not hers, but that they belonged to her boyfriend (who was at work) and so they could not do anything with them until he returned. My mother, who's point was very valid, replied that it was her house and that she was going to smother the damn things unless they were removed immediately.

She, at this point, quite angry, was very serious about the smothering part and suggested throwing them in the dryer at that very moment since no one was home. This of course assaulted every sentiment (rational or otherwise) I hold regarding animals, and I told her that if she did that I would report her for animal abuse. It's not the alligator's fault they're here, I argued.

I supplied her with three, non-lethal alternatives: a) ship them back to the person my sister had bought them from in FL b) give them to a local wildlife rehabilitation facility, who would return them to FL or c) call up one of my old Professors, who had an alligator himself, and see what we could do.

Fearing for the safety of the gators, I then IM'd my sister and told her that she was in deep sh*t and that she better figure out something to do with the alligators pronto, or they would all meet a horrible end. My mom IM'd me a moment later, complaining that I had told on her. My private thoughts: Woman, I have just spent the last four years of my life trying to get into vet school, and you think I'm just going to sit on my rear when you tell me you plan on murdering innocent animals via a clothes dryer??

She laughed at my point, and then a long bout of inactivity lapsed on both my mother's and my sister's IM screens. I had a feeling a most furious argument was taking place.

In the end, they both complied with reason. My sister got them out of the house, my mother decided not to kill them, and the alligators happily ate a dinner of chicken and fish, blissfully unaware of the great controversy they had caused. I, meanwhile, contemplated that my life has very unique subject matter in it.