critters

ANT, n. Small, six-legged varmint found wherever you put your foot, and usually discovered, to your discomfort, only after you've put it there. In literature, a common metaphor for virtuous behavior; the metaphor was eagerly adopted by capitalist societies until they realized that one of the virtues being modeled was “thrift", which is bad for business and government alike. The virtues of real ants include extreme radical feminism, absolute monarchy, a rigid caste system, the prosecution of aggressive warfare, and the practice of slavery.

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ELEPHANT, n. Creature conceived by a committee whose charge was to create a mouse (see INTELLIGENT DESIGN). Peripatetic. Called "pachyderm" because of its thick skin - which is actually one of the most sensitive of all those owned by present-day occupants of the animal kingdom. And elephants, it is said, never forget.

LAW, n. The donkey, Equus asinus.

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