Surviving Domestic Abuse and Raising a Teen

I have to tell you that I truly love my son! Most of my fears I've had over the years have truly vanished, although new ones develop almost simultaneously. But they aren't as bad as they used to be. He's 16 now. I can remember the day I found out I was going to have my first child. I was 19 years old. I had been married for about a year and a half to my first husband. I was so happy, and my husband was too. But over time, I could see the change in him. As I grew bigger, he drew further away. And then came the baby.

I was no longer the woman, or should I say, the girl, that he had married. He was no prize himself. Addicted to drugs, and an alcoholic. And there I was, 20 years old, with a baby, poor, and very naive. The first time he decided to hurt me was when Matthew was 3 months old. We were arguing and he threw a full bottle of beer that hit the wall next to the dresser I was hunched beside. The glass and beer went everywhere, including all over me. I stayed with him. How would I be able to raise this baby without him? I truly loved him. I had seen the good side of him. I had seen this before I was fat, or had someone else to take care of. His abuse continued and grew in intensity. I did whatever I could to make him happy, but nothing but cocaine and pills made him happy. That doesn't even go into the countless affairs he had.

He convinced me to move out to the country. It was cheaper, Matthew was only a year and a half old by that time. My parents were about 7 miles away, "close enough" I thought. I thought wrong. I can't possibly to into everytime he hit me, I've blocked alot out. But there are a few. One incident that started was because he was mad at me for not having dinner ready on time. It was 10:30pm when he came home. He chased me out of the house, and I jumped into the car and locked the doors. He picked up a steel clothes prop and started swinging it at the car until the window broke. The glass shattered and I was cut all up and down my arm and side. I jumped out the other side of the car and ran into the woods. Bleeding all over myself, only dressed in a nightgown, I found a spot that I could see him and the house. He didn't come after me, and I watched. I waited until 3am to go back quietly into the house, and slept on the couch. Of course, with any abusive spouse, they go through their remorse period, and the next morning he was SO SORRY, and couldn't believe he had done any of that.

Three months later, and another fight, again, along the same insane lines of stupidity, he hit me. This time his fist hit my head. And after he hit me in the head, he put my head through the wall. He kicked me a few times, telling me to get up. I didn't. I waited, like a dead woman laying on the floor, with my baby in his bedroom, still awake. Still awake. As he had been countless times before when this happend. We left that night in an ambulance. My girlfriend was there, and hid in a closet until he left. She walked almost a mile with Matthew to the nearest neighbor's house and called the police. He was never charged with anything. He paid the ambulance bill. Gee....Thanks.

Fast forward 15 years........Matthew is now 16, in high school, playing football, driving, has a girlfriend, has a part-time job as a busboy at a fine dining restaurant near our home.

I remarried about 2 years after I left. I met a man that loved me unconditionally, took my son in like his own, and we are all so blessed to have found eachother. We have also been blessed with a child of our own. And although it has been a hard road, I can't help but think what my son would have turned out to be had I stayed.

I may have stepped in and protected him throughout his childhood, while my HUSBAND was trying to discipline. I have always been over protective of him to a certain point. Only because I had to leave him in his room to listen to his biological father hit his mom. As he grew, I could see the pain in his eyes. The fear in his face. The lack of trust. That is an incredible guilt that I have had to over come as a woman, a parent, and as a human being. He has grown into a respectful, trustworthy, honest(c'mon he's a teen!), and just an all around wonderful child to have.

Sometimes, there is a happy ending.