When you make your living teaching others about plants, what they are, where they came from, and the hows and whys of doing research on them, you quickly discover that the first challenge to overcome is that of getting people’s attention. This was hard enough in the days before cell phones, Doom 3, and American Idol. Now? Well, that’s where the Stupid Plant Tricks come in.
I was reminded of this on the field trip to the Bodega Marine Laboratory, which is on the California coast about an hour’s drive or so north of San Francisco, that I participated in back at the end of April. The students on the trip, from the University of California at Merced, were your standard cell-phone-and-iPod crowd, rather new to the idea of an environment outside the house and the car. They were not fully prepared for the fact that the weather in California’s Central Valley in spring can be, um, a little different from the weather on the coast. Suffice to say that the students poured out of the bus in T-shirts, shorts, and sandals, to be greeted by yours truly in sweatshirt, rain jacket, stocking cap, and gloves. Some of the students spent a chilly night.
The next morning, we all went down to the shoreline and started to explore the rocks and tidepools, all festooned with beautiful and diverse marine plants, seaweeds if you like – which the students trampled and ignored in search of the animals. I expected this; after all, if you’re seeing the life that lives between high and low tide on the rocky shore of California for the first time, it’s going to be more fun chasing crabs and pulling orange starfish out of crevices than trying to work out which kind of seaweed it was that tripped you up and sent your crashing into a barnacle-studded boulder.
So I quietly collected a few things and waited, for when the time was right and I could spring my Stupid Seaweed Tricks on them. Nori, for example (genus Porphyra), the stuff in which your sushi roll is wrapped. Or Turkish towel (genus Chondracanthus), a source of carrageenan, which is found in ice cream, puddings, makeups, and other “creamy� food products and cosmetics. Or giant kelp (Macrocystis), which can grow 12 inches a day and, thanks to the alginic acid and its salts that it contains, also winds up in things like ice cream. It’s amazing how folks remember “That slimy stuff is in our ice cream�?!? Not to mention “It really grows a foot a day? That’s a lot of feet. Do they all smell?� Hey, whatever works.
My colleagues who teach flowering plants have a whole host of things that move, stink, or go bump in the night. Perfect examples of Stupid Plant Tricks. Venus Flytraps, of course. The Corpse Flower, a flytrap of a different kind that can attract every insect, and repel every human, for miles around. Bucket orchids that get their pollinating bees drunk. The Sensitive plant, which collapses at a touch.
For a long time I tried to grow sensitive plants. I didn’t have much luck. For one thing, they’re a tropical plant. They’re not much to look at in the best of times (they’re considered a weed in much of the tropics), but they really struggle in the cold and shade of a Maine winter, even indoors. For another, sensitive plants “wear out�. The characteristic “folding up� of a sensitive plant is an adaptation to grazing by animals like horses; the plant that "folds� when first touched might escape being eaten. However, a plant that is constantly touched will lose the “sensitive� response. It’s also likely to die on you. All in all, a plant with issues …
- The sensitive plant
- Mimosa pudica,
The sensitive plant,
Slouches from its starting place
With crooked, clambering thin brown stems.
In the sun
It holds out soft feather leaves,
Palms upward,
Begging for warmth;
Magenta puff flowers
Advertise intimacy;
But at a touch
The leaves and flowers duck for cover,
Exposing a tangle of dry twigs
Studded with thorns.
- Touch it again:
After awhile the leaves may stand the closeness.
But they soon grow crisp and gray with the effort,
Then fall off,
Leaving the stems
No longer sprouting,
Brittle and crackly,
Suited for tinder,
Or for crumbling to dust.
- O Ceallaigh
Copyright © 2006 Felloffatruck Publications. All wrongs deplored.
All opinions are mine as a private citizen.







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