I like dogs. I like Retrievers, shepherds of all kinds, Heizn 57's, even Welsch Corgies. It isn't that I don't like little dogs, I just hate stupid, little, yappy dogs whose owners dress them up and paint their toenails. Most of these dogs, I suspect, are so snappy because they are a complete embarrassment to themselves. Other dogs laugh when they see them and call them unsavory names, in their special dog language.

Dogs with names I can't pronounce, or whose names sound like dirty words, are always suspect. Trying to make conversation with the owners of these dogs is usually met with a barrage of barking, snarling, growling, snapping, and foaming at the mouth - from the dogs. I think it's an inferiority complex, and the fact that the owners rarely try to do anything to curb their dogs attitude issues. I have often gotten into fights with other people's dogs. The owners ignore the yapping and the fact that their little shitzkapugg would eat my face if given the opportunity, as they croon moronic comments in response to the look of utter disgust that's on my face. "Oh, Pootsky wouldn't hurt a flea. She's just protective of MAMMA, isn't she, little Poostsky, dootsky, puddin pie?!"

Meanwhile, I am conjuring up images of what a rabid rat on steroids looks like dead.

Every morning at precisely 6:30, here comes another love-starved dog owner who's obviously a slave to their pathetic excuse of a canine, walking down the road. I know this, of course, because the little yapper must YAP excitedly by MY house. Probably, my cat is sitting in the window, enjoying the morning sun, and glaring balefully at the dog. This would make the dog bark, of course. This animal probably barks at it's own shadow.

the dog has poofy auburn hair styled up in a bouffant, with little doggie hair ties in it, so the rat can see where it's going, which is right in my front yard. Does the owner scoop the poop? Only when I happen to be visible to her. The foul beast is tethered to a little golden leash- that is SO precious. I find it just the right size to choke the thing with. It's not that I hate dogs- real dogs, that is. Dogs with functions, and lives outside of having been pampered and spoiled and forced to wear doggie sweaters that match its owner's. It's clicky little toenails go a mile a minute as dog and owner go mincing by my house. "Hey!" I haven't had my coffee yet. "Why don't you teach your dog to shut-up? And while we're at it, pick up your $^#& dog's $&(*#@& out of my $&*@ yard, moron!"