Sometimes Parenthood Sucks!

Submitted by SharonHH on June 2, 2006 - 8:04am. children | England | parenting | tantrums

Sometimes you have to do the right thing, even if it hurts.....

It's a sunny day in England, the kind of day where there's not a cloud in the sky. Goodness knows, we don't get too many of those. So we decided to go for a walk alongside the canal, so my daughter could splash in the water and throw stones. Good plan, wasn't it?

On the way, we decided to call in at the local shop for a sweet treat. My beloved daughter proceeded to have a major meltdown over the kind of snack she wanted; followed by an escalation once we'd decided that bad temper would result in the cancellation of the outing.

The result is that we all feel bruised and we're all indoors on one of the few truly gorgeous days we've had this year. But what could we do? Giving in to a tantrum is a surefire recipe for long term disaster, so we didn't. I sure wish I could have gone out, though (sigh).

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it CAN be hard!

Submitted by cgwriter on June 2, 2006 - 10:51am.

That did sound like a great outing! Doesn't it just make your heart sick when your kids go and "ruin" it like that??

You definitely did the right thing by addressing your daughter's tantrum and not just ignoring it or giving in to it like sooo many parents do these days.

One thing I have learned though, from parenting my own five children (including two teenagers) is that you can still have the consequence without ruining your entire day. If you still want to enjoy the beautiful weather, make the consequence that she has to sit on a bench in "time-out" while you and any other family members enjoy the day. Or if your house allows for it, have her sit inside and watch at a window (so you can keep an eye on her) while you enjoy the time outside. That way, you and the rest of the family don't have to suffer, but she sure gets the message and it can hurt even worse to see others doing what she'd anticipated doing.

We did this once with my two older kids. We'd invited my whole family over to go swimming, but the two kids (who were 6 and 8 at the time) had acted SO badly we had to discipline them and not let them swim. But rather than making everyone else have to suffer or not come at all, we all went swimming while they had to sit on a chair and watch. Since it was a hot day, we gave them lots of cold water and little hand held fans and let them dip their toes in the pool, but no swimming. They were SO upset and cried and cried, but it made a BIG impression on them too.

Good luck! This parenting thing is ANYTHING but easy!
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New approach

Submitted by SharonHH on June 2, 2006 - 11:04am.

Thanks for sharing your experience, cgwriter. That makes me feel a whole lot better. I'll try that approach next time.

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I always get on to my husband...

Submitted by Brenna Fender on June 2, 2006 - 11:58am.

I always get on to my husband for threatening things that we can't or won't follow through on. The other day he told my 2.5 year old a dinner that if he didn't do something we wouldn't read a story before bed.

Unfortunately, my son is too young to understand consequences that are not immediate, and also he needs his bedtime ritual since he has sleeping problems. That threat would accomplish nothing at all at dinner but would cause us huge problems later. Sigh.

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Follow through

Submitted by SharonHH on June 2, 2006 - 1:44pm.

Follow through is important, Brenna. I try not to make threats I can't carry out. My daughter sort of understands delayed retribution but still thinks once she's apologized it's all ok (sometimes it's not).

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Yes, that's a powerful lesson

Submitted by Brenna Fender on June 2, 2006 - 3:41pm.

To learn that you can't just do whatever you want and say sorry and have it all be fine...that's important.

By the way, good for you for carrying through with your punishment on such a nice day. It's tough to be that consistent. That will be my constant challenge as a parent.

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Challenging

Submitted by SharonHH on June 2, 2006 - 3:43pm.

Yes, sometimes I'd love to be able to lie on the floor and scream etc, but sadly I've got to be a grownup. It CAN be a challenge

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oh yes....

Submitted by ModelMom on June 2, 2006 - 6:29pm.

my son will be 2 next month and there are days that he makes me want to run screaming into the woods never to be heard from again. it truly is the toughest job you'll ever love...and sometimes not love all that much! lol! i adore my son, but being a mother is a lot harder than i ever could have imagined....especially being a good mother. which it sounds like we all are! teaching kids consequences is very important but too many parents just dont want to deal with it becasue it is hard work & end up paying for their lack of discipline tenfold when their kids are in their teens. we just have to hang in there moms! :-)

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