So Jen, are you seeing anyone?

I'm getting to that age. The age where my family casually throws in the comments like, "so Jen...are u seeing anyone?" And "where are the grandkids?" And even though they act like it's all a joke, I know those comments don't just come out of nowhere. Don't get me wrong, there are certain fleeting moments where i realize it is entirely possible (but unlikely, I think...) that I could end up alone surrounded by cats and dogs (but how bad could THAT really be?). Most of the time though, I'm thankful for the way I've chosen to live my life. Plus, come on, it's 2007 not 1907.

I have yet to venture as far as I wanted to as a child...to the coast of California...to Ireland...Australia...Europe...And yes, I only moved 2 hours from home which really isn't that far if you think about it. But that was 2 hours from a family so close and parents so "involved" in my life (putting it nicely) that my Mom always knew when someone came or went, or even when we drank a glass of orange juice (who left that cup in the sink?). To move to the other side of the state where she didn't know where I might be sleeping, who I might be sleeping next to, and what I might be doing at any given moment was a big thing for me. I resisted for years while my parents begged me to move home. I felt the strain of financial burden, the shame of calling my parents for money, and I've spent my last 5 dollars for a red plastic cup at a keg party. I'm not bragging about that, my point is that I've had my stupid moments. I've lived and learned. I've ventured out, had my heart broken, broken some hearts. I've experienced roommates and learned how to block out noises while i sleep. I'm still learning. When i look back at some of the thoughts and feelings I had at age 20 as compared to now, I'm amazed at how much I've changed. I feel like little by little the wool is being stripped away from my eyes and I'm starting to see the big picture. I'm starting to see ways that I need to improve my personality. I'm seeing that I can be too judgmental, too gossipy, and too hung up on what others think. On the bright side though, I think i'm one of the most forgiving people I know. I'm reaching a point where I want to become the best person I can possibly be, and I know I have a looonnng way to go. So if i were given the choice to settle down and have children at a young age or wait until I have lived through the selfish years and become the best person I can be for my future husband and kids...well it seems like a pretty easy choice. I won't be a nag, because now i know there are more important things in life than worrying about a dirty dish in the sink or a toilet seat up. My kids will have a little more freedom (and privacy) than i did, because I'll have faith that maybe they got the same conscious that i had that kept me from doing things to harm my body. I won't become bitter overtime because I never got to go out and do the things that i've always wanted to do. I'll never wonder "what if". I'm not putting down people who have made the choice to settle down, but if that's the choice u made than make the best of it instead of questioning others who chose the other road.