Smiling Through the Struggles

Everyday at the same time I pass a man and his daughter walking on the street. The man is always walking at least 20 feet to half a block in front of his teenage daughter, who has Down’s syndrome.

The first time I saw them I didn’t think about it, because occasionally we get ahead of the person we’re with by some random act of shoe-tying or such. But after several weeks of passing these two, I suddenly realized today that the man NEVER walks with the girl.

It made me think of my aunt and my cousin. My cousin has Down’s syndrome, and she is 18 years old now. Even though she’s technically an adult, my aunt is still constantly doing things for my cousin. My aunt and uncle have done there best to give her a semblance of a normal life. She’s involved in all kinds of activities, like choir and Special Olympics. My aunt has worked hard to keep my cousin active and give her a social life.

I don’t know how I would react in the same situation, having a child with special needs, but it couldn’t possibly be easy. I have no idea if the man I see every day is supportive of his daughter or not, but I can’t help wonder, what is she thinking?

Does it seem normal to her that her dad always walks ahead of her? I can see that she’s walking as fast as she can, and it scratches at my soul a bit.

When I was about 13 and my cousin was still a toddler, I did some research into Down’s syndrome. I wanted to understand how it happened and why. I started learning about chromosomes and trying to make sense of it all, but I realized that sometimes there are things that we just can’t understand.

One time I was in a swimming pool with my cousin when she was very little. I was swimming around with her in her little life jacket, and somehow she ended up interacting with another child with Down’s syndrome. I didn’t lead her there, and I remember thinking that it was odd that the only other child in the pool she had chosen to interact with was a child with Down’s syndrome. How did she recognize him? Was it physical appearance alone?

I’ve often thought that individuals with mental retardation see things differently than the rest of us. One thing my cousin definitely doesn’t see is gender when it comes to spouting her love for someone. She often says she loves so-and-so and wants to marry them, and it’s as likely to be a girl as it is to be a guy that she knows from school or saw on TV. My family tends to get a bit embarrassed by this, but I find it fascinating. What exactly is she looking for?

Many times in my life I have been in a crowded place and a mentally handicapped person has picked me out of the crowd to talk to. I’ve had this happen several times and in many different atmospheres. Often they tell me that my hair is beautiful, or that I’m pretty. One time a young man told me I was the perfect woman! Also, when I was in elementary school one of the special education students came up to me on the playground, kissed me on the cheek, and ran away.

I was embarrassed at the time, but now I wonder, why me? My family and friends say it’s because I have a good heart. Is that implying that they see people differently than we do? That they can somehow see a person’s intentions?

In reality it’s probably just random, and I don’t mind the compliments and smiles. It seems to me that mentally handicapped people smile a lot more often than your average person, which is nice to see when you live in a city where everyone on the train looks like their dog just died before they left for work that morning.

Everyday, no matter how far behind her father she has fallen, I see that little girl with a pink baseball cap struggling to keep up and smiling all the while.