Some things just should not be taken for granted. Every guy knows how to take a shower, right? Turn the water on so it starts to warm, strip, jump in, soap up, rinse off, dry, get dressed. Simple.

Unless the guy has some sort of hydro-Attention Deficit Disorder, and finds all sorts of other activities to keep him occupied while standing nude in the man-made rain machine.

There are many things that contribute to the gender wars, and some of the actions I shall now discuss are but grains of sand in the overall heap that separates men and women in the great divide. Men, just assume that if you engage in these, girls will not like you--

The Belch--This typically comes from drinking too much water from the shower tap. The burp, though, is nothing less than extraordinary! Acoustics are great in the shower, so the belch is LOUD. Now, this is very satisfying while it is happening, but it will get you funny looks when you enter a room where others (who heard the performance) are.

Singing--We all do it. I think even some girls do it. Shh...but don't let them know you hear them. They get shy about that kind of stuff. Anyway, most of you guys do not have good voices, cannot keep good time, and generally suck when you sing. Just because of the afore-mentioned good acoustics does not mean you are good. And everyone in the house can hear just how not good you are.

The Erection--What to do with this. Standing there, all "up" and everything. You look around to see if anyone is around and may notice your grand hardness. Then you figure, "well I got to wash this thing", so...you start soaping it up. Hmmm. Maybe at this point something other than good hygeine is taking place. And that's alright. Hell, whack away if you must. Who cares? The danger, of course, is twofold. You may develop a strange erotic connection to showers and, er...release. Or, your partner may become jealous of your 'special' shower time. So, be cautious, and by all means, keep it clean.

Snot--There is nothing like a good 'blow it out' experience in the shower. No nose blow outside, with tissue, compares. You can just let it fly. Very comprehensive. This can be very loud, and very disturbing to those not understanding your man-need to blow so vigorously.

Urine--This is a big one. How can you not pee in the shower? I mean, there you are, naked, in running water. There's a drain right there. Hell, it probably saves water in that you don't have to flush the toilet. They say this also may help fight athletes foot. Urine. Just pee on your feet, then rinse. Simple. Urine can also help with the snot. If, after a good blow, you see some snot on the wall, or ground, and it is kind of sticky, just pee on it until it breaks loose. It's a great utilization of a natural resource, eh?

So, that should be it for now. Just remember, showering is but a microcosm of the rest of your life.

WHAT STRANGE THINGS DO YOu DO IN THE SHOWER?

deorre