Quotes from Calvin and Hobbes

Calvin: My life needs a rewind/erase button.
Hobbes: And a volume control.

Calvin: Weekends don't count unless you spend them
doing something completely pointless.

Calvin: Reality continues to ruin my life.

Calvin: I don't need to compromise my principles,
because they don't have the slightest bearing on what
happens to me anyway.

Calvin: True friends are hard to come by...I need more
money.

Calvin: It seems like once people grow up, they have
no idea what's cool.

Calvin: In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough
scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.

Calvin: The hard part for us avant-garde post-modern
artists is deciding whether or not to embrace
commercialism.

Dad: The world isn't fair, Calvin.
Calvin: I know, but why isn't it ever unfair in my
favor?

Calvin: The secret to happiness is short-term, stupid
self-interest!

Calvin: There's no problem so awful that you can't add
some guilt to it and make it even worse!

Calvin: A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a
meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add
drama to an otherwise dull day.

Calvin: Everybody I know fails the acid test of
friendship.

Calvin: The strength to change what I can, the
inability to accept what I can't, and the incapacity
the tell the difference.

Calvin: My brain wishes my ego had call-waiting.

Calvin: I think nighttime is dark so you can imagine
your fears with less distraction.

Calvin: Things are never quite as scary when you've
got a best friend.

Calvin: People think it must be fun to be a super
genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put
up with all the idiots in the world.

Calvin: This morning I had a wonderful dream. By
holding my arms out stiff and pushing down hard, I
found I could suspend myself a few feet above ground.
I flapped harder, and soon I was soaring effortlessly
over the trees and telephone poles! I could fly! I
folded my arms back and zoomed low over the
neighborhood. Everyone was amazed, and they ran along
under me as I shot by. Then I rocketed up so fast that
my eyes watered from the wind. I laughed and laughed,
making huge loops in the sky! ...That's when Mom woke
me up and said I was going to miss the bus if I didn't
get my bottom out of bed; 20 minutes later, here I am,
standing in the cold rain, waiting to go to school,
and I just remembered I forgot my lunch. Tuesdays
don't start much worse than this.

Calvin: Every time I've built character, I've
regretted it.

Calvin: Life's disappointments are harder to take when
you don't know any swear words.

Calvin: I try to make everyone's day a little more
surreal.

Calvin: Life is like topography, Hobbes. There are
summits of happiness and success... ...Flat stretches
of boring routine... ...And valleys of frustration and
failure.

Calvin: Where do we keep all our chainsaws, Mom?

Calvin: That's one of the remarkable things about
life. It's never so bad that it can't get worse.

Calvin: There's never enough time to do all the
nothing you want.

Calvin: It's hard to be religious when certain people
are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.

Calvin: A day can really slip by when you're
deliberately avoiding what you're supposed to do.

Hobbes: If you couldn't find any weirdness, maybe
we'll just have to make some!

Hobbes: The best presents don't come in boxes.