So in my ongoing saga of buying a car, in passing I had mentioned to my mom that I was going to be a bit short on cash-either on the down payment or have less spending money for canada next week.

Anyway Yesterday, my moms comes to give me her car so I can finish doing the shit I need to do to get mine on the road. While we're driving back to her office she tells me that my problem is I never ask for help. Then she told me that she's happy I'm independent but that I don't have to do everything alone and that I might be too proud.

I didn't really know what to say so I just agreed with her. She gave me some money to help out(which I'm going to repay her for) but I guess she's sorta right.

I'm not sure where this sense of just doing it on my own even if it means struggling came from. Not sure if it's just some genetic hardwired response that we were born with or if it's some kind of trait I picked up along the way.

I imagine it's some sort of misguided mantra I've adopted..not sure why. I mean for the most part I have some of the best friends a person could ask for. Yet for whatever reasons, I rarely ask for anything from them except loyalty, honesty and a sense of humor(you didn't think this entire post was going to be 100% serious did you???)

Maybe it's because I view those things are more tough to give. I mean it's a lot harder to defend people when everybody is bashing them then it is to loan a few bucks, or take a 2 hour ride out of your way.

It could just be part of my problem with never wanting people to see weakness in me. As if by acting like I have none, people will think I have none.

The only way to really end this is with a line from a jay-z songs(because all journals/blogs can always use a bit of Jay-Z to make them better in my eyes.)

Though I can't let you know it/ pride won't let me show it/Pretend to be heroic, that's just one to grow with/
But deep inside a nigga so sick- Jay-Z