POOR NUTRITION is a result of POOR PARENTING

Growing up, my parents always had home cooked food. Maybe it was because we couldn’t afford to eat out every day, I don’t know. Either way, my parents had a rule – You have to have one serving of everything AND even if you didn’t like it, you ate it anyway. My father wouldn’t stand for his children complaining about the food that he worked hard to put on the table. After you were done with dinner you could have as much desert as you’d like.

I find it pretty upsetting that this is all she eats. I understand that kids don’t always want to eat their peas but isn’t important to make sure they have proper nutrition?

As if I wasn’t upset enough about that I discover that every time my son (7 months old) visits his grandmothers house he is fed ice cream and chocolate syrup instead of baby food and formula. This may not seem like a big deal but it is. Ice cream is made from cows’ milk, which can cause life long allergies if given to babies. Hmmmmm….I wonder why my husband and one of his brothers are heavily allergic to all dairy products?

I was so angered.

Then, at dinner she decides to feed him deep fried French fries, followed by more ice cream.

I wouldn’t mind if he ate like this is he was 5 or 6 years old. Grandmas are supposed to spoil the grandchildren. I remember my grandmother giving me chips and cheese dip and candy all the time, although we still ate proper meals there too.

What should I do? I don’t want to start another argument. My mother-in-law and I have never gotten along good. But the same time, if she is feeding my son things that can harm him I think I have the right to worry. I don’t want my sons dietary habits to end up like my husbands. Help!
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You need to put your foot down. YOUR child, YOUR rules. You are not being unreasonable. Good eating habits will be with a person ALL their lives, starting on a good path is essential.

Thanks for telling me I'm not crazy. It's so hard when my hubby agrees with his "mama".
How can I *tactfully* tell her she is COMPLETELY WRONG? Is there such a thing?

I'm no food Nazi by any means (a blog on this is coming up), but, the way I reckon it, We the People get the idea that "treat foods" are just that for dogs, cats, birds, fish. Why can't we get it through our thick heads that Mickey D.'s is a treat food for people, and to be treated accordingly?

Our situation was the obverse of your husband's. I was the one who, as politely as possible, made it clear that TV dinners were not allowed. Real food please, and if that's too tough I'll cook it. (I did a lot of cooking.) When no. 2 decided that practically nothing on the face of this planet was edible (except ice cream, of course), I stuck to my guns. There was much weeping, wailing, and gnashing of teeth (no. 2 is quiet, but stubborn and determined as a 20-mule team - Capricorn my arse), but Aries insisted (living up to my sign for about the only time in my life). We finally worked out a compromise. I worry a bit about this; she's no shorter than a garden gnome but she's not much taller either (everybody in the O Ceallaigh orbit is vertically challenged, but she's the winner), and could beat The Flying Nun in any soaring match. But better that than a bowling ball with tar for arteries.

All that said: the key is moderation. My understanding of food and other allergies is that constant, repeated exposure is necessary in all but the most sensitive people. I wasn't allergic to ragweed until the year I spent washing golf carts in a ragweed field. I vividly remember the day the allergy kicked in. Man, do I ever ... :(. I doubt that, even at seven months, a once-weekly bout of fries and ice cream will do much damage. I'm actually surprised the kid accepted these things - ours turned up their noses at that stuff at that age. No. 1 hated carbonated drinks until well into school age: "It's too fizzy, Dad!" And unless you turn over your kitchen to your in-laws on a daily basis ... well, your son might have fond memories of being spoiled at Gramma's place, but his basic food habits will be the ones you set. (Which makes "hamburgers" something of a worry - monkey see, monkey do ...)

Yes, I would feel like a "Food Nazi" if I decided to confront her, yet I truly want to confront her. Can an infant develop allergies by consuming cows milk/sea food/nuts once a week? I don't know. Is there any health experts out there in bloggerville who can shed some light?

http://www.allergy-clinic.co.uk/food_allergy_for_public.htm

Seemed to me to be the best out of a quick Google search on "food allergy infant". I'm sure there are lots more. A quick synopsis: "avoid" eggs, cows milk, nuts" for the first year of age. BUT they acknowledge this might be impossible, so the next step is to consider family history. More stringent precautions are needed if related allergies run in one or both families. (This might be a hook for MIL if your family has an allergy history ... presents evidence, and gives MIL someone to blame the changed behavior on :) ).

You could always go to MIL's less often. Oh ... yeah ... apronstrings ... sorry ... :(

What if we decided to simply "go there less often" - my dream come true! LOL. Thanks so much for the info!
The allergies run on their side of the family. Two of her three sons are allergic to dairy (I wonder why?)
I think it's going to have to come down to me just saying, "NO!". I just gotta figure out how.
****How do you tell a woman who has raised three children that she is wrong about parenting? Any ideas?****

and then ... must ... work ...

I would have it out with MIL over the phone or something. NOT during a family visit. That will just make the stress worse, with your son watching. My experience is that you don't tell an experienced parent that she (or, begorrah, he) is wrong. That challenges the person. Watch the fur fly. If possible, focus on the case. "I am concerned about my son developing a food allergy based on information that has been discovered since your children were little. I'd like to make use of that new information, and I'd welcome your help."

May whatever you try work out.

Why are you so concerned about offending someone? People used to try to feed my almost two year old crap all the time. She was exclusively breastfed until she was 4 months old, and then introduced to GOOD, healthy foods. All the while, my niece, 3 months older, was eating hotdogs, soda, and pizza. People always tried to give my daughter things I didn't like - I didn't even allow juice until she was over a year old, and watered that down and limited it.

I didn't make a big fuss about it. I just said, "Oh no, she'll have this instead," or, "We're not allowing her to have that yet." Plain and simple. Stick to it. You're the parent. To hell with what your mother in law thinks is "best". Tell her you read some article about such and such and how starting a healthy habit is important. Or you know what I've found works? Tell her your PEDIATRITION said so (even if they didn't).

On another note, my toddler now eats so much junk because when I was pregnant and now with a small baby around it's harder for me to want to cook and give her the healthy stuff. :( But she STILL prefers veggies, fruits, and water over many of the junk foods.

I just said, "Oh no, she'll have this instead,"

Kudos to you Knot. We did the same thing ... so often, and so automatically, that I just blanked on it. And we were a thousand miles away from mothers in law, so that issue didn't arise. Then ...

Ditto on the pediatrician suggestion.

I can't believe she had the nerve to give your child - your BABY - ice cream so young! I mean, I know at a certain age, grandparents want to "spoil" the grandkids, but you don't mess with a kid who's less than a year old!

Your allergy concerns are very real. And this is YOUR child, not hers.

You don't have to be mean or confrontational, or tell her she is wrong about parenting. But do gently remind her that you are the mother and you are the one who is supposed to decide what's best for your child. Let her know how glad you are that she is excited to be a grandparent and how much you want her in your kids' lives. But also let her know that nutrition is very important to you and that you will be happy to let her spoil him occassionally with ice cream (if you're okay with that) later when he's older, but when he's so young, you'd prefer that she stick to your nutritional guidelines.

Maybe even get info from your pediatrician and give that to her.

It's always a sticky situation with kids and grandparents, but let her know how much you love and respect her as you are telling her.

I have 5 kids myself, and luckily my mom agrees with my nutrition, and my mother-in-law lives far away so we don't see her often. But the few occassions where she's tried to give them something, I just tell her, "Oh, we don't give them that," or "my pediatrician advised us to wait on that" or whatever. And usually my husband readily volunteers to eat whatever treat she's offering at that point anyway. :)

Good luck! Don't back down though, YOU must ALWAYS put your kid and their health before other people's feelings or opinions.

If you like Bloggerparty, you'll love Writingup - try it here now!

I definately am on the same page with you. I do feel like this situation is beyond the "talking it over" phase. I LOVE what you said about the pediatrition. That's exactly what I am going to say too. That's so brilliant! It's perfect. That truly is a way to tactfully say, "he's not going to eat that."
My Mother-in-law is the kind of person who is always right, 100% of the time and nobody, not God himself, can tell her otherwise. BUT I do see light at the end of the tunnel with this reasoning!
Thank you!
Thank you!
Thank you!

Glad I could be of help! Yeah, nobody wants to be disagreed with in parenting, but if you bring in "expert" opinions, that can settle it sometimes. :) My mother in law drives me insane, too, so I can completely relate!

It's true...and it doesn't help that it is so convenient and cheaper to eat junk food, and eating healthy stuff takes more preparation (washing a piece of fruit vs opening up a pack of cookies).

Dreams Matter.

http://www.associatedcontent.com/user/6562/pchan_stockton.html

You & Tottie seem like "the bloggerparty mothers". You always have the best, most real advice. What's your opinion?

I am SO offended. ;)

I am older and maybe wiser (I'd like to think so.) Re the diet thing - I think if you do some research about food and it's relevance to a whole host of health and other problems you will see that you must fight to ensure that you and yours get more healthy food. More vegetables -I was impressed with a blog recently that stated that the original fast food is fresh fruit and vegetables - think about it. And provided they are not laced with insecticide - they are sooooooooo much better for you.

Reality, I think we must have the same MIL (stubborness). Except that with mine, I'm not just telling her that she raised her own kids wrong. I am telling her that she raised an entire city wrong. See, my MIL made her living doing babysitting, and she really isn't exaggerating too much when she says she raised that entire city. Fortunately, my MIL does not live nearby and she does not feed them crap.

My mother is a different story. She lives only about an hour away, and she feeds the kids tons of garbage. As soon as they walk in the door, they have candy in their mouths. It has been this way since they were tiny. I have video of my son at less than 6 months screaming bloody murder because someone dared take the Coke away from his lips. Most likely this is because he liked it and at that size, it doesn't take much caffeine to hit you hard. To this day, he doesn't get caffeine, and he drinks water 99% of the time. Not juice, not soda. WATER!!!

Before too long, it spilled over to my house. It wasn't enough that the kids ate that awful stuff there. She started sending it home. Why? Because my kids told her that they never get that stuff here. For some reason, that must mean I am neglectful or destitute or I don't know what, but she saw fit to start sending candy home with them. Gee mom, you're really quick on the uptake there.

Finally, I put my foot down. Nothing comes home without asking me first. So she made sure to ask me in front of the kids. So, I got even more harsh. If she asks me in front of the kids, it's an automatic no. For my daughter's birthday, we made the cake at my mom's house. My daughter was full from supper, so she didn't have any of her own cake. My mom thought this was awful, so when it was time to leave she insisted that my daughter get a piece. This piece consisted of half the cake!!!! My daughter asked about the cake once, and even then, she didn't want a piece, but had remembered it. The cake sat in the car for a week before it was thrown away. My daughter never missed it. See, left to her own devices, she will eat bananas and mushrooms over cake and cookies, but if the only thing available is cake and cookies, she will eat it.

I personally would not bring the pediatrician into it. I swear to you, a stubborn MIL will find some reason why it's ok. Most likely that reason will be "My kids turned out just fine!" Simply say that you are not going to allow your child to have that stuff at his age, and when he gets older he needs actual food before he even thinks about treats. If she cannot handle this, then you are in for a yelling match with your husband. ;) Straight up, he should be backing you up on this, and if he sees nothing wrong with his diet, there's a discussion that needs to happen. Good luck, and overall, I think you're gonna need to stop worrying what they think of you. It's your child. Do not give in to people who do the wrong thing and don't even mean well in the process.

I think you may be right. I may need to just take a stand. She probably will say, "The pediatriton doesn't know what he's talking about."
I still think I may try this first, then go from there. Just like you said though - she's always sending stuff home. I face the same issue. AS I mentioned in my blog, my husband has very poor eating habits (we know why). I have tried desperately to get him to at leat TRY things that are not fried, but since his mama sends boxes of french fries, breaded chicken tenders and mozzerala sticks home with us that's what's for dinner.
This goes way deeper than just my husband and sons eating habits. Remember your blog about trying to lose weight...yea. I am too. And it's DAMN NEAR IMPOSSIBLE with all this complete garbage in the house.
I wish my husband would take my side on this issue. Like I wrote his feelings are, "It's ok for the baby to eat that stuff once in a while". AAAAHHH! So aggrivating!

... Supersize Me?

If not, you and your husband need to go rent that movie TONIGHT! Even my teenagers didn't feel like going to McDonald's after they saw it (at first, now they've convenientyly forgotten about it and still ask to go!).

But it's an excellent, real-life illustration of what those foods do to you.

If you like Bloggerparty, you'll love Writingup - try it here now!

If your husband tells you it's fine for your son to eat that stuff occasionally, that's when you tell him that your son has his entire life to eat "fun" foods, but for now, he is going to learn to enjoy healthy foods. After all, which one is more difficult (and point this out to your hubby), switching from a diet of sugar to one of veggies, or switching from veggies to sugar??

My own personal experience has been that you're right. It is nearly impossible to lose weight with crap in the house. But it's your house. Don't let it in. The battle I face is that my husband is only home on weekends because of work. When he comes home, he doesn't want to eat well, and I end up gaining back EVERYTHING I lost that week. When I've spent an hour a day on the elliptical every day, and ate less, and worked my butt off LITERALLY so that I could lose a few pounds, and he walks in the door with a bucket of 50 hot wings and a ton of blue cheese dressing, I get upset. My willpower is low, and he knows it. That bucket comes in the door, and I am going to do my part in emptying it. So, I put my foot down. He can eat it in the car, but he's not bringing that in the house. I also told him that I am doing the shopping, and he is going to start eating what we eat. Now, it's very unfortunate that he doesn't care for seafood medley with tons of veggies, but we all love it, and if he gets hungry enough, it is sitting there on the stove, all hot and ready to eat. :D If he wants junk food, he not only has to cook it- he has to get off his butt and go BUY it! lol Don't let it in, and it can't tempt you.

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POOR NUTRITION is a result of POOR PARENTING

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Poor Nutrition

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