Pussy Willow: “I keep seeing things out of the corner of my eye, Mrs. Catfish. They’re always gone when I turn my head. I think it’s Sassys. She’s up to something. Why is she sneaking around like this? I thought she was acting kind of shifty last night. What the hell is she up to? She’s plotting something – I know she is. She’s evil. She enjoys making people sweat. She likes it when she knows they are looking over their shoulder, waiting for her to strike.”

Mrs. Catfish: “But Pussy Willow, dear, aren’t you and Sassys friends? Why would Sassys want to plot against you if she’s your friend?”

Pussy Willow: “I thought we were friends. I don’t know why she would do this to me. I thought we were in this together. Maybe she was just leading me on. But why would she do that? She wants something. What does she want? What do I have that Sassys wants? Is it my bodacious ass? Is that what this is all about? Is she jealous? I bet she’d love to have my bodacious ass to go along with her long, lovely legs. But she can’t have it – that’s silly. There’s no way she could take that. So what is it – what does she want?”

“She wants to get rid of me. That’s it! She’s jealous of my bodacious ass and she wants to get rid of me so she doesn’t have to compete with my bodacious ass.”

Mrs. Catfish: “But Sassys has a great body of her own. Why would she feel she has to compete with you?”

Pussy Willow: “You’re right, that can’t be it. Sassys does have a great body – she doesn’t have anything to be jealous of. It’s got to be something else. But she is out to get me – I know she is. Just because she has no reason to go after me doesn’t mean she’s not out to get me. She is. Sassys is out to get me! Oh god, what am I going to do?”

“I’ve got to hide. I need to find a place where she won’t think to look. Where can I hide? She knows all my hiding places. She’ll find me. I’ve got to find someplace where I’ll be safe from her. Gotta leave this house – gotta find someplace safe. I can’t let her find me!”

****

Sassys:
"I swear to you Doctor, she's after me"
"Sassys dear, who's after you?"
"She goes by the name Pussy, Doc, and she hates me!"
"Ok Sassy, calm down, remember, breathe slowly. Now, let's start from the beginning…."
"Doc, did you hear that? She's coming! She's going to kill me!"
"I didn't hear anything, Sassys. Would you like a sedative?"
"No, I need to be alert, Doc, she knows when I am groggy...that will be when
she strikes"
"Why does this particular Pussy hate you, Sassy?"
"She's had it in for me ever since she accused me of stealing her Willow!"
"You mean her Pillow?"
"No Doc she has a Willow and she's not afraid to use it!"
"Sassy, what is a Willow?"
"I have no idea, Doc, but she uses it to hurt others"
"Sassy, that doesn't make any sense. Now, calm down or you will have a major anxiety attack!"
"Look behind you, Doc, QUICK! There it IS! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
"Sassy, that is only an old tree. It's been here for ages. Now, you stop this behavior at once!" "Sassy? Snap out of it, enough of this nonsense!"
"911, this is Doctor Catfish. I need an ambulance here ASAP!"
"What is the nature of your emergency, Doctor?"
"I have a patient here who is in a state of shock. You will have to use the front entrance as it appears we have an old tree out back that is down, and I will need to call TXKJUN’s Tree Removal Services."
"Hello, is this TXKJUN Tree Removal?"
"Yes, sir. How may we help you?"
"This is Doctor Catfish, here."
"Oh hey, Doc, this is TXKJUN. What's going on?"
"Do you remember that old tree out behind my office?"
"Sure do, Doc."
"Well, the darn thing just sent the LAST patient of mine to the hospital. Its limbs have terrified a poor woman into believing it's some sort of Pussy...or Willow, anyways, she is going to the mental ward of Ga."
"Gee that's too bad Doc...I will have my man there first thing in the
morning."
"Thank you, TXKJUN. Now, I need to call my wife and get home."
"Hello, honey, it's me."
"Oh darling, I am so happy you called before you came home."
"I should be home in about 20 minutes."
"Dear, before you come home we have a guest and I need you to pick up a bottle of wine to go with dinner."
"A guest? Who?"
"I met her at my potions, potions, potions class...her name is PW."
"Well, dearest, that sounds great. I will be there soon. Love you"
"Ok, and get here quick. She has some very funny stories to tell."

Sassys packed up her belongings and moved to Bali, where she can be found living high atop a tree in a tree house. She has a twitch and a bit of a nervous laugh. She can be heard at night calling a mysterious "Coo, Coo!"

****

This just in from the Area 51 News Team: Police are warning the citizens of Bali to be on the look-out for a disturbed woman who has been sighted singing to the trees late at night. The woman is thought to be dangerous if approached. If you see this woman, or hear a slightly hysterical voice calling, “Coo! Coo!” in the middle of the night, call the authorities. We repeat, do not approach this person – call the authorities.
*************************************************************

Are you paranoid? Is someone out to get you? Are you sure? What about the phone company – are they spying on you – listening in to everything that goes on in your house? Or the PTO – are they following you – checking on everything to do?

Tell us your best paranoia story. You can trust us with the details. We won’t give you away. We promise.