Philippine 2007 Elections

The voters have cast their votes triggering the start of election engineering. Yes, Virginia, election engineering is a ladderized degree program. Allow me to educate you.

First, start declaring on television that God has imbued you with the burning desire to help the so-called masses; the poor, under-privileged and hungry Filipinos. They stink too, you know. You do not belong to this riff-raff, definitely.

Second, visit squatter colonies...ooops, sorry, politically incorrect term, I mean, depressed areas especially during times of disaster like typhoons. Better yet, create one. You can easily pay someone to set his shanty on fire. Tell him to stock on the kerosene and send his family on vacation. They can always relocate to another colony. He has money. After all, he got paid. My, Virginia, you pick up quickly. You didn't forget to bring the television crew! I will have to consult my superiors if we can accelerate your program.

Third, press the flesh, put on a smile. Dammit, smile! I don't care if you jaws hurt! Smile! That's better, Virginia. You have to learn to smile especially if you plan to assassinate your opponent. Press the flesh, smile, keep on pressing and smiling. When done, wash your hands with alcohol gel. Don't just wash with water. Pilate was ignorant He didn't know about germs.

Fourth, build an army. Building houses for the poor is foolish. Tony Meloto of Gawad Kalinga is a humbug! He built houses for the poor with an army of volunteers and yet, he did not enter politics. Humbug! Now, he exported his idea and building houses in other countries! Bah, Humbug!

Now, Virginia, let us take a breather. You have done GREAT work. Evil? No, GREAT work. Remember Voldemort? He did great too! Terrible, I concede, but GREAT. Think positively.

We have already reached a critical point. The army you have built must be given special assignments. Some we give guns. The others, we give pens. You haven't heard? The pen is mightier than the sword! I don't think it was King Leonidas who mentioned it, but it is not important. The pen will be effectively used for character assassination. The gun is for plain assassination. We have to play it safely. Besides, I haven't done a cost-benefit analysis. I am human after all.

Congratulations! We have won! Yes, Virginia, you have become a magnificent brute but MAGNIFICENT, nonetheless.

About 200 lives have been lost due to election-related violence prompting the PNP to gleefully declare that we just had clean elections.

You need a stiff one? Make it whiskey? Oh, I forget, we haven't had that spirit since 1969.

Do you get that, Virginia?

Posted in gamers The Legally-Recycled Bachelor's blog | | | | 406 reads