Patterns of distorted thinking (8). Do we need somebody stronger to lean on?

The eighth pattern of distorted thought is the believing that we always need somebody or something stronger than us to lean on. It is certain that a completely independent human being doesn't exist. We should not fear that in certain circumstances we need somebody to lean on; however this steals us the best of our lives.

The dependent person is never able to solve his problems for himself and the person on whom he depends can become tired of having to support him emotionally all the time.

The other side of this dependent attitude is developed because we believe that people owe us favors or because we have helped them in some occasion. We could also think that we are forced to them by something that that person has made for us. None of these two reasoning has psychological validity. If we want to do something for somebody we should do it without conditions, only for the fact that we want to, and because we believe that it is the right thing to do.

In the same way, we don't have to be forced to other people in similar circumstances since many will want to become owners of our destination for the fact that they have helped us in some occasion. We cannot confuse gratefulness with manipulation, because this will cause us a lot of suffering. It is absurd to suffer because somebody doesn't return our favors since our acts of friendship or kindness don't represent a contract where payment conditions are specified. The one that gives to receive ends up receiving disappointments. People that gives because he believes that it is his duty to do good things for the others, and without imposing conditions, in time he will receive his compensation without having to wait for it.

Each one of us is alone in this world; it doesn't care how many people are around us. We need to develop the capacity for independence. The dependence is necessary to a certain extent, but it should be only incidental and in specific periods. We cannot surrender our independence, our capacity for the self-sufficiency, to another human being.