Dr. Albert Ellis (1913 -) outlines the existence of areas or patterns of distorted thinking that are capable to take us into an state of anxiety. These areas take us to develop ideas and concepts that avoid our personal development.

The first concept of these areas of distorted thinking is the idea that everybody should accept us and approve our behavior. Such an attitude leads us to an irrational a lot of concern when there are signals that somebody discourage us. This is an absurd position to assume since it would be we impossible to please everybody. It doesn't exist a human being that can please everybody all the time. Some will dislike our personality the same way that will please others. To be about pleasing everybody can lead us to the insecurity and the ullage of personal integrity. Of course that we want the affection and the approval of other ones and it is necessary to be sensitive to others’ opinions, but this doesn't mean that we will stop been ourselves just to please other people.

This pattern of distorted thinking, the idea that everybody should accept us and approve our behavior, causes many sufferings. What we should certainly do is to find kindred people with common interests to ours and whose ideas be somehow similar to ours. That way we will be able to feel that we belong to a group in which we are appreciated as human beings.

It is preferable to use our energy selecting and culturing true friends that to be about pleasing everybody. For example, it is very common among the adolescents to attempt to resemble the group and they do big efforts to be popular among the others. This attitude creates them a serious problem, since they relate with other adolescents with different thinking and behaviours, and with different family bases. It creates a lot of frustration when they are not accepted.

In general it is better to maintain our own identity and to stay faithful to our values and personal ideals. At the same time we should try to be friendly and creative inside our action field. If we do it this way, it will be the others’ choice if they accept us or not, and if they decide not to accept us, good, that will be their problem. We should not allow that this causes us anxiety.

If we assume this attitude, we will find that our friends will be faithfuler for that, and they will accept us just as we are, and besides this, we won't be plagued by irrational anxieties and fears of all kind. It is impossible, completely impossible to please everybody all the time. Each one of us should live and defend our own identity like human beings, we cannot live imitating the others, neither we can live trying to please everybody.