Parents: Please SPANK your KIDS!

I personally don't spank because I believe it is hypocritical to expect my child to be non-violent when I use violence in disciplining him.

The key to effective punishment is consistency. It's much harder to be consistent than people think.

The people you have described have been inconsistent and inconsiderate. If my kid acts up in a restaurant, we are leaving. Maybe go out for a time out, but if that doesn't work I'm getting a to go box and getting out of there. I'm not talking about little infractions but I'm not letting my kid ruin someone else's meal.

Taking away TV and allowing other forms of amusement don't work, as you mentioned. If you are going to punish, you need to choose something that's effective and fits within your personal morals and ethics.

Just my two cents, as a parent of a 2.5 year old, a teacher, and (believe it or not) a dog trainer. Training animals is similar to training kids...

Brenna
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OK, I know that the current thinking is that smacking/spanking is child abuse and the spanker risks and assault charge. But I see young children going berserk to get their own way, and causing injury to to others (including their parents), and the parents feeling helpless because the softly softly approach to child discipline is not working. I think a swift smack on the bum is what is most effective! And the above incident in the supermarket is one that deserves it - and the parent should not be punished too. (I'd like to see more research done on discipline measures)

Thank you for the support. Yes, just how you said, many youngsters are causing injury to others. I saw an episode of Maury where children beat up their [arents on a regular basis.
As far what Branna F. said, I personally, do smack the dog too. Sorry to say, but if he get out of line he gets a whap as well. Dogs are just like children, they too need discipline.

We just have to wave a wad of newspaper and our dog obeys - I think we did "whack" him once early in our relationship!

We didn't spank. Neither did we tolerate behavior of the sort you describe. We made sure to intervene early and often in cases of this sort, and we were lucky enough to have kids with personalities that were receptive to our intervention. It's hard to summarize a dynamic in a few words, but I'll try: "Interception, explanation, redirection". Stop the kid, explain why (s)he was stopped (in age-appropriate ways), give the kid something appropriate to do. Repeat. Ad nauseam. But we got results. PS: "explaining" doesn't have to be nice. It doesn't have to be abusive either, it shouldn't be. But usually we were able to convey to our kids that certain behaviors were really not on, and major unhappiness would result from any continuance or repetition. A sharp word and a hard stare, if Baby knows Mommy means business, can be very effective.

I am not categorically against spanking. If it's part of a planned and organized socializing (read "disciplining") strategy, you use it as such, and you're in a community that knows all about it, it'll probably be at least as effective as anything else. In my house, when the flyswatter appeared in my mother's hand, I knew I was in for it - and, usually, why.

The fear is that people will use it merely as a way to vent their anger, rather than as a premeditated disciplining tool. Don't know what else to do, and I'm pissed, so I'll beat the kid. "Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent" - Isaac Asimov (first Foundation novel, attributed to Salvor Hardin). I don't think there are many who would disagree that that's no longer discipline. It is abuse.

When I see situations such as you describe, I say "there go people who had kids with inadequate training, and before they were emotionally or financially ready". Sometimes it makes me weep. Really. 'Cause, apart from looking after your own house, and doing all you can to educate people before they get themselves pregnant, there's not much you can do.

I'm completely against spanking or hitting a child of any kind. This does not mean allowing children to walk all over. The situation you speak of was certainly out of hand and could have been dealt with better, but spanking is not the solution.

You can teach a child respect by respecting them. My daughter is the most polite, well mannered child. At almost 2 years old she says please, thank you, you're welcome, and excuse me. I never made her say these things. Sure, she becomes a little torment now and then, when she's overtired, overstimulated, or in a situation she doesn't like. But who doesn't?

Forcing a child to be well mannered out of fear is that spanking does. Instead, I choose the route of teaching by example.

I mean......oh wait, you're talking about............children.

Forget it......um....... Nevermind~

oh, act all innocent, why don'tcha. haha~ heheeeeeee~

Your topic is getting popularity and it is of worth

But I agree that the key is consistency. I found spanking to be one of the least effective consequences, so I used other things, like loss of privilege, or mercy on us, actually taking the child OUT of the business even if I wasn't done with whatever I was doing. Only had to do that once or twice for each kid-it's actually surprisingly effective even at places where they say they don't want to be. But I agree that spanking is part of an arsenal, and it's ok to use in the right way if needed. CONSISTENCY (I can't say it loudly enough) is what makes any of the management techniques work, and it's what's usually lacking when kids are out of control.

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Some kids really do need to be spanked. But some parents take spanking to the extreme and use belts and other objects.

Dreams Matter.

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Pchan33 is right. Some kids do need to be spanked. Like the instances described. Yes, some parents do take it way to far. Like I mentioned in the blog, if your children respond well to other methods, great. However, every kid is different and what works for one may not work for the next.

I am neither strongly for nor strongly against speaking. But I can honestly say I've never seen a kid that NEEDED to be spanked. And I have worked with at risk kids. It was essential to my job that we NOT spank them. And while I was there, my own child was a handful. We had one of the top child psychology experts in the world (the place was REALLY well known), and he told us to use time outs. I was very skeptical, but they worked and continue to work to this day.

Any parent who think they can only get results from spanking aren't doing time outs right. I had this statement a lot more vague, and I decided that I am qualified to say that I know what I'm talking about. Say you raised 1-4 kids. I had a hand in raising some 300, all of them abused, already criminals, or neglected. Time outs should not be done in their room where they have access to games and toys. How is that time out? Instead, the tv gets shut off, they sit down, they don't speak or move for a minute for every year, and especially, you don't talk to them. You don't stand there and berate them. You don't even ask them if they want corn or green beans with dinner. If they are going to act like little heathens, you ignore them. When they are out, you give them an instruction and you will find out quickly if they are ready to act right. The key hinges on letting them have time IN too. I have put my kids in time out while we were in the store and the car.

The main point I have to make is that discipline is FAR more important than the method of discipline. I personally don't think spanking is effective. It gets their attention, but unless you wail on the kids used in the example, they will go right back to doing the negative behavior. You surprised them. That's all. Try the words, "You're in time out." If they continue, leave your cart, and walk out of the store. Yeah, it may be inconvenient. Do you want a well behaved kid or a carton of milk?? There is rarely a day that goes by that I don't have both of my kids in time out. THAT is discipline. DO NOT CONFUSE IT WITH PUNISHMENT!!! They are nothing alike.

Tammy, between consenting adults, feel free to ignore the crap above. We'll go on the assumption that your mate isn't throwing food into the aisles in grocery stores, and that the spanking has nothing to do with it. :D

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Try the words, "You're in time out." If they continue, leave your cart, and walk out of the store. [With the kid(s).] Yeah, it may be inconvenient. Do you want a well behaved kid or a carton of milk??

Behold, in my opinion, the true key. Jennifer must be convinced that you're paying attention and mean business, for love as well as discipline. If Mergatroyd gets the impression that he's less important than the oil change, he's going to try to change that. Any way he can.

Which is why I cry when I see parents who have gotten themselves in the family way without being emotionally and financially ready, who have not lost the resentment that they've lost whatever it was they were hoping for to this package of really hard work.

Nope, I wouldn't even spank my dogs! You do have btw controversial "topics" :) It kinda amuses me hahahahaaa!