“On the first day of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me ~ 1 Menorah burn and a dra-del left on my seat”

Ok, not entirely accurate as I’m beginning this post late Monday night, so obviously Hanukkah hasn’t begun yet. But, it’s on my mind since I had hoped to have us in LA when we celebrated. It’s not totally that I felt we’d not be supported, but.......well, there’s a couple things.

The first is the folks here. I hadn’t said anything about beginning the conversion process due to some attitudes here. Not for me, but for the kid. I didn’t want the kids here (or even the adults) to make her feel wrong in any way. But, when I realized that we’d have no choice but to at least begin Hanukkah here, I ~ well, I didn’t come out and say anything, but rather just alluded that we had already converted. My feeling was, and still is, is that if my friend believes that we’ve been Jewish all this time then it’d be easier for her to deal with. And, it appears to have been the right way to go. With the car being a bitch and not wanting to start, I asked her today to let me tag along if she went out shopping. I explained that I’d left certain things to the last minute (which I really did!) and that it was really important that I pick them up by tomorrow afternoon.

Friend: (laughingly) Why? What’s tomorrow?
Me: The beginning of Hanukkah
Friend: Uh.......you mean you’re JEWISH?
Me: Yep

Awkward silence.

But, before she went out for the evening, she poked her head inside the bedroom door and said that she could take me shopping today. So, it seems as though the news had been digested. I must admit that I’m relieved because Friday night I had asked her if she’d ride me and the kid to Temple in the morning if the car wouldn’t start. I further explained that I didn’t think services would be too long since the Rabbi is on maternity leave. I mean, if Temple and Rabbi don’t just scream Jew, I don’t know what else would! And, when she totally blew me off the next day, I had assumed it was her way of saying “fuck off, Heb!”. Clearly, it wasn’t.

But, the other issue is the one most dear to me. This house..........this place.........it’s filthy and cluttered and not conducive to a religious ceremony. I know that what matters is the celebration and not having perfect Martha Stewart-like surroundings. But, it’s just not what I’d wanted for me and the princess of darkness. Hell, there’s literally no place to put a Menorah! In our room it’s packed from floor to ceiling with clutter and crap (none of it ours!). The only clear space is the bed! So, I will have to find a way for us to light the Menorah and say the prayers while making sure it doesn’t fall over and burn the house down! LA wouldn’t have been perfect, either, but I could have bought a small table and a nice table cloth and made it nice for the baby. Again, I know all that doesn’t matter, but it still bugs me. It bugs me alot.

What cheers me up is the hope of actually tracking down for the kid what will be the most perfect gift! Ya, it’s so not about gifts, but hey ~ this one will ROCK! Er, if I can get it here in time! Not only do I need to track it down (the artist who made the t-shirt no longer has it featured on his website and my email about it hasn’t been returned yet) but it will most likely be shipped from Iceland!

Oh and by the way, if anyone is looking for a cool new t-shirt while also helping to bring more awareness to the plight of living with HIV ~ check out his site www.dead.is . I’ve already picked out two for myself (the hand painted one and a black wife beater with the artists personal motto) and hope to get another one as a Christmas gift for Bubba. And, to give credit where it’s due ~ this is the question I’d sent to Eli Roth (*see my previous post*) and he was kind enough to send me the link. But, what I actually feel compelled to mention ~ here in this world of celebs who are forever promoting themselves as false do-gooders AND that Eli is forever on the receiving end of nastiness he doesn’t deserve (er, torture porn anyone????) ~ While he did tell me that he’d worn the t-shirt that Nella-bean wants as a way of helping to promote the artist, he never once mentioned that the artist is HIV positive and the the shirts actually bring attention to this horrible disease. So, instead of taking the cheap and shitty route of promoting himself and taking attention away from the artist, he chose the high road. I mean, ya’ll know what a huge fan I am of his work and that I also find him to be the stuff that naughty dreams are made of! But, truly, the more I learn about this guy, the more I find him to be a beautiful person. And, ya know what? I now no longer find it immensely disturbing that my 4 year old daughter yesterday proclaimed “I love Mr. Eli! Mr. Eli’s my boyfriend!”. Rock on little girl! You could do a hell of a lot worse!

Mazel Tov! Happy Hanukkah everyone!