Dudes and dudettes, it's past my bedtime. And I have major meetings next week. But, begging your pardon, I am really really really Really REALLY sick and tired of the nightsoil that surrounds the debate over primary and secondary education in these United States.

So you wish to make education "cheaper"? A euphemism for "cutting salaries". Directly, or indirectly by demanding more hours for the same pay. By all means don't study the education system in Germany, where the public school teacher makes one of the highest public sector salaries, not the lowest. Um, last I knew, most people considered Germans to be pretty smart. And successful.

I hate to clue you, folks, but the Miss Bradfords of yesteryear have passed on to their post-terrestrial rewards. Women (and occasionally men) with brains have more options in today's world. I used to ask my weakest college students - the ones getting Ds and Fs - what they were hoping to do after college. "Teach!" came the answer. Anyone smart enough to teach was smart enough to do something that actually paid them a living wage. I went into research. I didn't, and don't, want to be part of a system that corrupt.

At least Miss Bradford could count on the support of the community. When I got in trouble in school, it was my fault. Teachers, administrators, communities and (shock horror) parents all agreed on the problem and its remedy. When a kid gets in trouble in school today, whose fault is it? The lawyers might be able to get you an answer in three years and a million dollars. Or not.

So what's the best way to improve education? Get a system where everyone's on the same page. Voila. Private schools. Charter schools. Bring neighborhoods together. Wonderful idea. Schools here in the San Francisco Bay area are resegregating at a great rate of knots, and (of course) those communities with money are doing wonderfully by their kids, while those short on both money and hope are doing, well, not so good. But hey, they had their chance, it's their fault. And it's cheaper, so we can save on our taxes and go blow $500 on tickets to see the Raiders game.

Maybe it will interest you: today's average high school graduate is said to have a vocabulary that is one-fourth that of the 1950 high school graduate. ONE FOURTH. I submit that it's time for the various partisans to sit down, shut up, stop playing their stupid power games, and get an education system together that will value student achievement and teacher contributions - in money and respect, both of which are ABSENT in America today. Otherwise, folks, no amount of tanks, bombs, and marching soldiers will save us.

  - O Ceallaigh