Oh, Lonesome Me!
Have you ever been so lonesome you just don't know what to do with yourself? Man, I just can't seem to get myself out of this terrible, lonely place. We moved to this tiny town about an hour or so west of Washington, D.C. at the very end of August. I had never lived any other place but northern Indiana my whole life. All my friends and family were left behind. Of course, my husband and four children made the move too, but it still doesn't feel like I belong here. Ever the soil beneath my feet here feels foreign to me. There is nothing here that has captured me in a way that makes me feel like I belong here; like this is home. I keep thinking I will be able to go home soon, but every day it's the same thing. I have found a church that I have been going to regularly, and people are friendly for that hour. I also volunteer in my daughter's class every week, and I enjoy the time I spend there, but still I feel like this is all just temporary. I have such a hollow spot inside me that I'm afraid I won't ever be able to mend. I am on the verge of my 44th birthday and I feel like I am too old to start over trying to make friends and fit in. Everyone already has friends and activities that they are busy with. It seems like an impossibility for me to break into that. They say that 44 year olds all over the world are the most depressed age group. Boy, do I believe it! I have always marveled at the ability of humans to adapt to different circumstances, but it is coming very slowly for me. How hard it must be for soldiers far from home, they must be lonely so much of the time. I also think about how difficult it must have been for the early colonists and the pioneers who moved westward leaving all they had known behind. So, what's wrong with me that I am having such a difficult time living here? It is frustrating and annoying that I just can't snap out of it. I just don't belong here!
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Let me ask, laundrymom
before you all moved, were you excited sbout it? Was the move something you looked forward to? Because, if it wasn't that could be the reason you're having a hard time now. Without even knowing it you might have set it in your mind that you wouldn't like it because you didn't really want to move.
If that's not even close, it still makes sense to me. I'm a gypsy - I think everyone knows that by now! LOL But, my way of doing things - moving around and "fitting in" right away, is more than a bit diferent than everyone else! What you're going through is normal - especially when you've lived in the same area most of your life! Don't be so hard on yourself and give it time. What seems like an eternity now, will seem like nothing in a few months.
Here's a couple suggestions. I know you have 4 kids, but is it possible for you to join a gym??? See if you can find one like Curvs - some place where it ISN'T full of 22 yr old college students, but women closer to your age. You'd be surprised how quickly you tend to meet other women in places like that. Also, just take a look at your churches calender and see if there are events or other things you can attend and volunteer for. But, really, just going out into the community and talking to people will make the biggest change. There may even be a "moms group" in your area that you can find online. Or, some other type of group - painting, sewing, or my fav (that I've only seen rarely) a coffee lover's group that meets in the morning after the kids are to school. You know, I've made friends just at the market by keeping myself open to conversation. I've met other, local women just by having a quick chat about anything in the store and mentioning that I'm new in town. Quite often people really open up and want to help you get settled when they find that out!
But, you're right - it is up to you to decide that you really want to get settled and feel good about where you are. But, it sounds like you're willing to make that effort and that's a big step in the right direction! I really wish you all the best of luck. Just try to think of it as an adventure! Some new world that you can explore and discover. That's what I do. Trust me, just making a tiny shift in your out look can make all the diference in the world! Good luck and have fun!
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Ok, butting in again
I did a quick search on google and used "outside of Washington, DC". I came up with three links - they're all from the same place, but I think it might be a good place to start! What I really like about it, though, is that the latter two list different groups all over the general area. Hope it helps!
http://moms.meetup.com/1922/about/ - this is a mom's group in the surrouding three states
http://coffee.meetup.com/cities/us/dc/washington/?offset=100&sort=rel
I had to look - this has coffee lover's groups, but also has some others listed.
http://bookclub.meetup.com/cities/us/dc/washington/
This one is for book clubs
STALKING EDGAR ON MYSPACE
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Your insight into this is very helpful.
I keep telling everyone that I'm new here. The thing that is so hard is that we moved from a town of about 300,000 to a town of about 6000, so the lifestyle is extremely different. This tiny town has nothing to offer--there isn't even a place you can buy underwear. Also,this town is not happy about all the people coming to live in their town, but this area is within commuting distance to D.C., so people with families are moving here. I wish I would have had the time to really research and get a feel for the town before we moved here. I am convinced that I would be happier in a place that at the very least has a Wal-mart or a bowling alley or something.
I have been toying with the idea of joining the knitting group at the church I have been going to; it's just the geting there that is so hard. I feel so self conscious and shy.
Oh boy, laundrymom!
That reminds me of Big Spring! I truly hated it there and never found a place to really fit in. But, I am pretty sure I could have tried harder. My thing was that I knew I wasn't going to stay. That tiny town had nothing either - even real shopping was an hour away! But, at least it had a Walmart, so I do feel your pain!
The area of California I'm in right now went through what your new town is right now. Back when I was a kid it was easy to find affordable housing, but NOW (and the last several years!) it's next to impossable because the people from the bay area discovered it and everything has gone through the roof since. So, I totally get what you mean about them not being too pleased with "outsiders". But, try signing up at the site I sent you. I signed up myself for the tiny area I'm going to move to soon. There are presently NO groups for the town, BUT a few people who've signed up. So, I figure once I get there I can try to initiate something - maybe a book club or just a coffee meet up. You might find the same situation, but what I noticed for everyone who wrote out a profile was this phrase "I just moved here and want to meet people". So, you might get lucky, too!
Is the "getting there" due to transportation or just the going part? Believe it or not, I'm actually quite shy myself. I was painfully shy as a kid and I think that never fully goes away. That's why I literally FORCE myself to get out and mingle. I pretty much tell myself - YOU WILL NOT THROW-UP! YOU WILL NOT TURN RED! YOU WILL NOT SIT BY YOURSELF! YOU WILL TALK TO PEOPLE! Once I swallow the vomit, it's usually ok. ;-p
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