Of Trumpet Players, Trumpet Makers, and Trumpet Strikers

Because I had to leave my own horns in California on this trip to Maine, I borrowed a trumpet from a member of the Bath Municipal Band to play the jazz gig last Saturday and "Taps" on Memorial Day. I went online to find out some information about the trumpet I borrowed, and discovered, much to my chagrin, that the employees at the American company that make this brand and model are on strike and have been for awhile. It's the usual "outsourcing to China" story - but telling it gives me a chance to open, for you, a window into an unusual world.

It starts with the trumpet player, who is one strange cat. Yes, I suppose all humans are strange if you watch ‘em long enough, but the trumpeter doesn’t need much watching. Like the one who goes to rehearsals wearing a T-shirt: "Hi. I'm better than you." Ego insufficiency is not a problem likely to appear on a trumpeter's psychological profile. But hey, your run-of-the-mill shrinking violet is not likely to play an instrument that was designed to be heard outdoors, from hundreds of yards away and over the din of battle. What's more, the trumpet is one of the most physically-demanding of the wind instruments. You want to play a note on the clarinet, you put your ten fingers over the correct combination of holes and blow. There are only three valves on the trumpet, and each combination of valve positions will play any one of at least six notes. You do the rest with your face. There is no truth to the rumor that trumpeters used to hang weights from their mustaches to exercise their lips, but you get the idea. That glassware-shattering high note from Maynard Ferguson or Arturo Sandoval is the musician's equivalent of the NFL offensive lineman's 450-lb. bench press.

Because of all this, trumpet players tend to be a little, ah, obsessive about what they're playing. The modern trumpet has only been around since about 1900, but in that century there have been about 48,739 makes and models on the market. What? you don't believe me? Each horn plays slightly differently, each one sounds slightly differently, each one has passionate fans and bitter enemies. Even the year in which a horn was made can make a difference with some players, so much so that, for most of the major trumpet makers, there are published serial number lists detailing when a particular horn was likely manufactured, and, especially for older, treasured makers like Conn or Olds, detailed guides to the varieties. Mouthpieces are even worse. Another time.

Now, the variations in the sounds that trumpet players make are bad enough from one individual to the next, without adding in the differences that come from different makes of trumpet. So the harassed band and orchestra directors of the world have, on many occasions, laid down the law. "If you're going to play in my band, you will have this kind of trumpet, and only this kind." And it so happens, in America, this trumpet is made by Bach.

No, not that Bach.

This Bach. Vincent Bach (originally V. Schrotenbach). A German national who arrived in America around the time of the first World War and set up a shop to make trumpets and trumpet mouthpieces in New York. Both the trumpets and mouthpieces soon won fans among professional musicians, so much so that the horn was called "the Stradivarius of trumpets". Bach not being one to overlook a sales opportunity (see "ego sufficiency" and "Schrotenbach", above), promptly started marketing his trumpets as the "Stradivarius".

It is the makers of the Stradivarius trumpet who are on strike.

Why? Well, Bach’s little shop in New York got bought by a larger shop in Indiana. Which bought more and more little shops until it became a big corporation – the Steinway Musical Instruments Corporation, in fact. Yes, that Steinway. Piano makers making trumpets. And a million other things. Big corporations get traded on the stock market. So they have to deal with a little thing called “shareholder values". Which, roughly translated, means “Profit über Alles". Which means record profits aren’t good enough if Wall Street thought you could do even better. By moving your manufacturing arms to China to cut wage costs.

Lots of trumpets are made in China. You can buy one at your local Wal-Mart. 99 out of every 100 trumpets marketed on eBay is made in China, or India. They typically cost about 100 bucks, a tenth of what a good student trumpet costs, a twentieth or less of the price of a Stradivarius. And you get what you pay for. They crack. They leak. They’re miserably out of tune. The plating’s really paint. The valves don’t move, or rattle in their casings. They cannot be repaired. Your son or daughter may as well be given a kazoo to learn the trumpet on. Just the people to be entrusted with what many folk consider to be the finest trumpet made. No wonder there’s a strike.

Ah, but wait a minute. It would be nice to say “Chinese-made bad, American-made good". If it were only so. Y’see, the Bach Stradivarius trumpet is the preferred model for many players. But it’s also universally known to be the most inconsistent. The best horns are very good indeed. But the worst ones might almost have been made in China. In theory, you can buy a Stradivarius online (for example, here) for far less than at your friendly neighborhood pro shop. But those who know what they’re doing won’t do that. They know you’ve gotta go to the shop, line up 15 Strads and play ‘em all. Because that’s the only way to find the gems among the rocks.

Well, maybe that’s just the way trumpets are, you think. Not so. I happen to play a Yamaha horn. Yes, that Yamaha. Motorcycle makers – Japanese, no less - making trumpets. Their trumpet looks a whole lot like a Strad. Because it is a Strad. Well, their copy of it. Plagiarism is rife in Trumpetland; about 25 manufacturers make more or less explicit copies of the Strad. The best Yamaha horns are a little bit less good than the best examples of the Bach Stradivarius. But each one is almost exactly the same as the last one. You can buy one mail order and be pretty sure you’re getting the same horn your buddy in the next chair is playing. A lot of folks know this. And since most horns these days are sold mail-order (good luck finding a music store that actually has so much as one professional-model trumpet in it for you to try, unless you live in New York or San Francisco), guess which firm’s in a better position to get the business? You guessed it. Vroom, vroom.

So the people who make the most inconsistent “good" horn in the business walk the picket line and elicit whimpers from the “Buy America" crowd, while the shareholders look to save money and perhaps look for a workforce that can actually make the same horn twice in a row. Maybe it will even be playable. Will it be cheaper? Hah! Remember “shareholder values"?

Oh well, it could be worse. I could have learned to play the flute …

   - O Ceallaigh

Copyright © 2006 Felloffatruck Publications. All wrongs deplored.

All opinions are mine as a private citizen.