In yesterday’s San Francisco Chronicle, syndicated columnist Joan Ryan (you’ve heard of her from me before) wrote about the struggles of a learning-disabled child with the College Board over the SATs. Its all about how the dyslexic, and other unusual young people, are getting dealt with in their attempts to get The Test to tell university admissions directors how much they know, rather than how good they are at The Test. Because, Joan Ryan says, everybody assumes that The Test is there “to assess a student’s actual knowledge and capabilities�. At which point I stopped paying attention. Because, if that’s the assumption we’re working under, then, Houston, we have a problem.

The real reason the SAT exists is not to tell people how smart you are, but, as Ryan herself unwittingly admits in the same article, to “reflect … her probability of college success.� What (and thank you for asking) is the measure of that probability? Grades? Fwwwaat! Prizes for achievement? Fwwwaat! Human interest stories in the San Francisco Chronicle? Fwwaaaaaat! Sorry, time’s up. It’s … wait for it … profit! How much your little darling will pay, now or later as an alumnus or otherwise brainwashed soul, to be made into a little box. The SAT is rigged in favor of the wealthy? Perfect! Ka-CHING!! What the flying fickle finger of fate does a college want with a learning disabled student? That student will need, and probably loudly demand, resources. Those demands cut into profits, profits that are desperately needed to pay university administrators their under-the-table perks. Away with such drags on the system! Oh … he [sic] plays basketball? Never mind! We’ll take him! Who cares if he can’t read, write or do arithmetic? And gets a degree from us anyway? Ka-CHING!!!

As Ryan points out in her article, learning disabled is not a synonym for stupid. But to get the best out of a person with dyslexia takes time, effort, caring. And who has time or patience for that anymore?

DISCRIMINATION, n. The process of distinguishing among two or more items on the basis of the attributes of each; for example, a university choosing among applicants based on assessment of their ability, as students and alumni, to contribute to profits. The term is now seldom used except to decry selection criteria that offer no advantages to me.

- The New Millennium Devil’s Dictionary

  - O Ceallaigh

Copyright © 2006 Felloffatruck Publications, featuring The New Millennium Devil's Dictionary. All wrongs deplored.

All opinions are mine as a private citizen.