Memory is a way of holding on to the things you love, the things you are, and the things you never want to lose.

LOSING a loved one to suicide is one of the most agonising things to live with because, on top of grief, it often leaves a legacy of overwhelming emotions that come in the form of shame, rejection, abandonment, anger, “what-if� and a sense of guilt by those left behind.

Through a degree of ignorance, society’s reaction to this kind of sudden death is often very cruel as it seeks to blame those nearest and dearest, who are already shattered, confused and absolutely heartbroken.

“Grief is a normal process that happens to people who have experienced the loss of a loved one, but because of the nature of suicidal death, the grief experience is more profound and lasts a lot longer than that of a natural or accidental death, and it is extremely difficult to deal with,� says grief counsellor Raewyn Hart, who lost her son to suicide 17 years ago.

“No two people grieve in exactly the same way. For some the period can last for many years as they move back and forth between the stages of grief.�
A myriad of questions never get answered, and that can add to the pain.

“One day, we have to accept that we’ll never really know why or understand how they could die like that. Quite often there’s the feeling of rejection because the person didn’t confide, and society doesn’t help because, if it’s a child for instance, they blame the parents, or if it’s a spouse they blame the partner. This happens because people need to find a reason, so they take the easy option. I know that this is just a lack of understanding, but it isolates the survivors even more and that is very sad, because it leaves them with no one to talk to.�
Civil celebrant, Yavanna Redgrave, also lost her son, Daniel, 14 years ago, to suicide, and she will be conducting the Candlelight Remembrance Ceremony at the Clive Square Community Rooms on Wednesday 6th December at 7.30pm.

“Christmas time can be a very raw experience. Each year the numbers attending our service grows, and most take heart in being able to be among people who fully understand,� says Yavanna.

Anyone affected by suicide is welcome to attend the Candlelight Remembrance Ceremonies anywhere. Along with your compassion, expressed or not, you need only bring a candle to light a warm glow that reflects eternal flame in your heart, where the memory of a loved one never dies.