When Sally Struthers isn't acting as a living, breathing juxtaposition as she waddles among starving children in Third World countries, she sometimes appears on the television screen to inform me that we all want to make more money. It's why some people have found their way to this site. However, aside from discovering oil (a la Jed Clampett) or sitting on the board of Haliburton, there seems to be one thing that would make someone wealthy beyond their wildest dreams...

...finding a cure for hair loss in men.

It's true. Aside from pills to abate maladies like restless legs and dry eyes, there is also an endless array of remedies bandied about by late-night television hucksters to achieve this end. Is such an elixir truly out of the grasp of modern medicine?

Hey, I'm no scientist (even though I do have a labcoat which doubles quite nicely as a robe), but it's 2006. How difficult can it be to grow hair? It seems inconceivable when I thought about my years as a single male and times when I have had male roommates. In such situations, I have seen bizarre things grow in unbelievable settings.

Seriously, a bachelor's living quarters is a science experiment onto itself. I remember waking one morning in college, bleary-eyed, and stumbling into the kitchen for some Cocoa Puffs. A dark cloud of gnats flew in formation on top of the cabinets. I clambered onto the counter to discover the source of their interest, finding a large blob of brown matter which I ascertained had once been a bunch of bananas.

Another time, foraging for sustenance, I foolishly opened the bottom compartment of our refrigerator. There was nothing there but a two-inch thick colloid that could best be described as black Jell-O. I went hungry.

OK. So reducing potassium-laden fruit to inedible biohazard or creating a jiggly substance that would cause Bill Cosby to recoil isn't exactly splitting the atom, but it should illustrate my point. Somewhere, in the wilds of some apartment inhabited by single men, hair is growing on something.

I know it. All it takes as someone with the vision and courage to search - possibly in a kitchen, perhaps in some dank shower - for an item sprouting fuzzy, hair-like follicles where none were before. Do a bit of reverse engineering, patent the product, and you'd be living larger than Bill Gates.

You'd certainly be better off than relying on AdSense earnings or a late-night infommercial degree in welding.

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