God speaks to me in signs and his signs are a wonder.

Only I can read his personal signs to me.

I wake up in the morning and if I feel lazy or tired this is a god sign telling me to ring in sick.

I look at the washing up and if I don’t feel like doing it, I look for god’s direction. If he doesn’t do the washing up either I know he doesn’t want me to.

When a random bird flies by in its glory and craps on my head, this is a god sign to buy a hat.

God’s creatures, all great and small, have a purpose. Some turn into tasty finger licking chicken and some are personal fashion advisors. Some end up as Mothers Day Flowers.

This is an amazing world god has created and I’m privileged to have a direct line to the boss upstairs.

Sometimes god tells me to use the Bible as a draft excluder, other times he prefers I use the Koran. He has a great sense of humour my god and I hear him laughing every time I stub my toe or my buttered toast falls face down. I one saw the face of the virgin mary in a cashew nut. I gobbled it down and she was very tasty.

Now, thanks to god’s direction I’m in a bit of a pickle. Close to loosing my job and my house smells like a rat droppings. My toe is a little purple and if it drops off it will probably be a god sign for me to buy some new smaller sized shoes; probably those really expensive ones that I’ve had my eye on for ages.

God has great taste. Although one time he sent me a sign to buy an orange cat suit. I could hear him laughing as I sang in the church choir.