I was accosted by Evangelical Christians in front of Chic-Fila today:

Me (walking past a large table filled with a variety of youth, determined to get some chicken after a long day of classes and work)

Evangelicals (at that time unidentified): Come take a survey. You'll get a free pop.

Me (thinking about it, thinking I might not need to purchase a soda at Chic-Fila - although still hesitant): Okay

The questions on the survey - 1) Who was Jesus? 2) Why did he suffer? Why was he crucified? 3) How does he relate to your life? I scribbed three quick answers - God's Son, For our sins, and He died for us (or something like that - I wanted to leave at this point) I shoved the suvey at them and started to run away, sensing all was not right. This was not a Research Writing Survey by students.

Crazy Evangelicals: Okay. Now Jan'll talk to you about your answers.

Me: Ah....

Nutsy Evangelicals: These answers all look "right." Have you given your life to Jesus?

Me (looking longingly at Chic-Fila while being surrounded by the cult of Jesus Freaks): Uh, no.

Evangelicals: Oh...well. Um, if you died tomorrow *me, gasping awkwardly* and you met Saint Peter at the Gates of Heaven, do you think he'd let you in? Or would you be going to hell?

Me: *blank stare* No. Uh, hell. Um....I DON'T WANT TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS. I just want the damn pop, alright? GOD!

And I grabbed the pop, much to their astonishment, and ran. I haven't drank the Jesus pop yet. I'm afraid it'll poison me. I could have went to Chic-Fila and paid ninety cents for a pop rather than confess my hellion-ish ways to the Evangelicals. Pop is not free, no matter what they say. And my soul is worth more than a can ( not even a 16 ounce bottle) of Sierra Mist, thank you.

ROLL CREDITS.