I've got a secret I can't keep any longer!

I've been holding this one in for twenty years and think it's time to cleanse my soul. They say that confession is the ultimate cleanser so here it goes.

Back in college I had this roommate that drove my insane. He was obnoxious, muttered when he talked then laughed at what ever the hell he just said, lured me into playing something (like basketball) under the pretense that he wasn't that good then proceeded to kick my ass, and he cried over missing his fiance. Now if she looked like Avril or Allison Mack I'd understand but she looked more like a man then a woman. She was wide, dark, and had more hair lip then I could hope to grow. But that wasn't the worst of it. This bastard would go out and grab the first drunken skank he could find and lay some pipe then run back to the room and call up his girl at home to tell her, while crying, how much he missed her. This became a weekly ritual and it really pissed me off.

Then one particular weekend I went over to a friends place to get tanked and watch movies leaving my whinning, scheming roomy alone. When I came back there was an emergency meeting being held in the dorm room next door. It seems my roommate found another midnight companion and banged her so hard that the bed pounded against the adjoining wall all night. Then they told me she was the sixteen year old sister to a resident advisor on the ninth floor of the dorm, a mountain of a guy who was a linebacker for the football team and he was looking for the guy who screwed his sister. Now at first I thought that was the route to take but instead I played a different hand.

I sent an anonymous letter to his fiance, describing all of his known escapades, like the time he had sex with a gal on the open air fire escape of the dorm next to ours and had half the hall cheering out the window until he couldn't perform and ran off. In no time he was on the phone trying to explain what happened to her, balling his eyes out. Before he left to go back home he turned to me and said that I was the "best friend he ever had". If he only knew.