It Finally Happened

So, I'm coming home from the grocery store. I get stuck behind this person who feels it is their civic duty to do 35 in a 45 because it had been raining.

Well, I'm not havin' it. So, I go around them. Of course, this triggered their douchebag gene and they sped up. Nice try Summer's Eve, but my car can do 60 in 3rd gear, and it's just warming up. That's right. You can take your little Dodge Neon and park it somewhere while you dream about The Fast And The Furious 4: Whitetrash Drift.

So, I pass this failed experiment at life and turn onto my street. No sooner had I turned onto my street and I was lit up. A cop in his Chevy SUV was behind me and he had his sex lights on. I call them sex lights because whenever you see them you know somebody's gettin' fucked.

So, I pull out the driver's license and the insurance card and hand it to the cop. 5 minutes passed, he still hasn't come back. 10 minutes passed and now some other cop is at my window asking me if I had had anything to drink.

What?! No, surprisingly, I hadn't. I tell him this and he asks if I am sure. I respond affirmative and he asks me "What about Peppermint Schnapps?" What?

Turns out they thought I had been drinking because I was chewing some Dentyne Ice gum and they could smell it. Obviously, my word wasn't good enough because they pulled me out of the car; talkin' some mess about a field sobriety test.

There I was, on the side of the road, lookin' like an episode of Cops. They had me walkin' the line, sayin' the ABC's, and, last, but not least, followin' his finger without moving my head while his flashlight was all in my eyes.

Unsurprisingly, I passed all of their tests. They seemed disappointed and told me to go back and wait in my car. 5 minutes later, the original cop returned with my parting gift, a 145 dollar ticket for doing 60 in a 45.

Thanks for playing, Sean. Thanks for playing.