Internet Relationships and Beyond
My personal history of instant messaging began several years ago when I decided to sign up for a trial membership on www.matchmaker.com. It was during a time when I was working, taking classes, raising kids and by the way ---very VERY lonely.
In my humble opinion, most of what goes on between people online is pure entertainment. It's merely a pastime chatting with people online. Of course, I fantasized about meeting Mr. Right online in the beginning. After a few interesting experiences, to say the least, I realized that people project to others what they want in cyberspace and not who they actually are. As a result, I have had many more "first dates" than ongoing friendships or relationships.
I think the key to meeting people online is being realistic. If someone sounds interesting online, it's not wise to prolong the cyber part of the relationship. Why? Because the longer you don't know something, the more likely it will be that you "fill in the blanks" to accomodate your own personal daydreams. It's important to meet face-to-face to decide whether or not "it" could be a friendship or even a relationship.
Exceptions? But of course --- aren't there always? One of my matchmaker meetings continues to be a very dear friend of mine and has been for the last 8 years. And in the here and now, I am involved in a "real time" relationship with a man I met thanks to Tickle and Yahoo :) We met online last May, corresponded for several months, met and living together now.
Although my children are all grown and I left school years ago, I found that working as a professional left me little time for socializing. It would have been nice to join a club or have my friends introduce me to their friends. The click of the mouse turned out to be much easier and definitely more instantaneous!
Filling in the blanks
This is a big thing about online relationships that people do and often think, "oh, I found Mr./Mrs. Right!" when it's all in their imagination. In another lifetime I met some people online and, like you, my image of them would completely shatter sometimes after just a few minutes and noticing irritating facial expressions or whatnot.
On the other hand, I'm currently married to somebody I met online.
I find it a fascinating topic
What surprises me is that there are folk (read "men") that think that because you are a woman, and communicate via the net, that you really want SEX. Even without the "courting" I'm amazed. I do think that the Net is a good venue for creating relationships - but just as in meeting someone in any venue, you need to take care.
men and sex
there are folk (read "men") that think that because you are a woman, and communicate via the net, that you really want SEX.
I'm sorry that this has been your experience. I do not have data to assess how prevalent this is, and I'm sure it exists at a far higher rate than I want to know about. Nevertheless, if I had said something categorical like this about "women", I would consider myself fortunate to stay out of jail.
Absolutely, bell every individual cad and get him the hell outa here. But men are not all like this. And I am getting increasingly uncomfortable with images and statements that say we all are. Or would you just prefer that we all fit the stereotype so that you can stop thinking about us? Sure sounds like that was where women were before Betty Friedan ...